Wednesday, May 2012

I have come to the decision that I want/need to continue here at OD on a more regular basis…mostly because I want it to be something that my daughter can have someday, hopefully in the far, far future when I’m not here.

Thank you all for the compliments to my beautiful grandson. I think he’s absolutely gorgeous but know that I’m biased. His hair looks dark in the photo but it’s really a light golden brown…more gold than brown with huge blue eyes, thanks to his father and that random recessive gene from my grandfather.

It’s been exactly one year since I left the hospital after those awful three weeks there. When I look at the picture I posted here, I can still see the effects from that illness. Losing so much weight so fast while in the coma left it’s mark. Due to old age, my skin just doesn’t have that wonderful elasticity to snap back. Guess hang-y skin is here to stay.
But the good part is that it’s been one year since I smoked. I still use my E-Cigs which I think made this accomplishment possible. Gives me that hand-to-mouth doing-ness that I liked. Never ever thought I could quit.

I marvel now at my supreme arrogance,always thinking that if I did have any negative effects from smoking, it would only be in the last years of my life. I feel so lucky to have had a huge wake-up call to what could have happened and also the fact that I wasn’t left with any life long negative effects that a lot of people do.

Still tire out easily, among other things…hate being less than 100% but learning to deal with and accept what is.

I’m back to painting on a regular basis again, which makes life so much better.

Presently struggling with withdrawl effects from the anti-depressant medicine I was on.
I started on Prozac way back when I began taking care of my elderly parents…I knew I was facing a lot of stress and would need something to help get through those times. I’d never experienced depression but was advised this temporary crutch would ease everything. Then with their deaths, dealing with after effects of that, losing my son, Terry’s major surgery, and on and on and on, I think it was a wise decision. Unfortunately, even with this help, my doctors have all agreed that all the stress caused my immune system to take a major dive and that’s why I ended up in the hospital for three weeks.

Sometime during the latter part of last year, I felt like I was more of a Zombie than a person with real emotions. After talking to my doctor, he switched me to Cymbalta, with the actual goal eventually to get off of all of them. That change made a big difference…felt less Zombi-like and more me. Poor Terry…because he probably got away with a lot while I was in Zombi-land. 🙂

About two months ago, I began the tapering off of Cymbalta, since you can’t just go cold turkey. Everything was fine at first, then certain negative effects began. They are mostly extreme aches/pains in muscles and especially joints. At times, I would be in a state of extreme shivering/chills just out of the blue.
In the beginning, I was attributing it all to various things until I read about it online in forums about getting off of Cymbalta. Apparently, this is very common. I was on the lowest dosage so I can’t imagine how hard it must be for others who’d taken a higher dosage.
Good lord, what do they put in these meds to cause such extreme effects upon withdrawl?? and how long it takes for it to leave your body.
But I have absolutely no intention of going back. Yes, I’m a little more feisty, as my daughter commented, but she said it wasn’t a bad feisty and I like “feeling” emotions again.
Yep, poor Terry.

Lots to write about but would like to make entries short and more often from now on.

Simply put, life is good.

Beautiful daughter, beautiful grandson.