He Says

I’m not gay, I say.

Doesn’t matter, he says.

Doesn’t it, I ask.

Nope, he says.

Why, I ask.

He takes my hand.

I pull away. I shake a little.

You’re shaking, he says.

I know, I say.

Why, he asks.

I don’t know, I say.

He takes my hand again.

I don’t pull away.

You’re still shaking, he says.

I know, I say.

And you still don’t know why, he asks.

I guess not, I say.

He moves closer.

I look down.

Why won’t you look at me, he asks.

I don’t know, I say.

I think you do, he says.

I don’t say anything.

He puts his hand on my shoulder.

Look at me, he says.

No, I say.

Please, he says.

I can’t, I say.

Because you’re afraid, he asks.

Yes, I say.

Well what are you afraid of, he asks.

I don’t say anything.

You’re afraid you might… he asks.

Yes, I say.

Then maybe we shouldn’t, he says.

I don’t say anything.

He takes his hand off my shoulder.

I’m going to do something, he says.

I don’t say anything.

And you don’t have to do anything, he says.

I don’t say anything.

And you can just see, he says.

I don’t say anything.

He leans in.

I don’t move.

A guy