To God

I lay in the darkness and I ask God a question. I don’t really expect an answer. And wouldn’t you know it, I don’t get one.

            I threw the Frisbee as hard as I could and it simply spiraled on its side and went in the wrong direction. I could never figure those things out. Kathy called back to me laughing from the other side of the field. I smiled back and shrugged. I don’t think she actually expected the thing to ever come to her; we had been at it for a while. She said anyone could learn how to throw a Frisbee. I said, “You wanna bet?”

            She walked over to me still laughing and then I grabbed her and swung her around for a bit. We fell to the ground, I was laughing then too. I kissed her and she kissed back. Then we lay there for a while just staring and smiling. She winced a bit as the sun hit her eye and then she said, “I love you.” She had never said it before, not until then. I paused and I stopped smiling. “I love you too Kathy.”

            We packed up our blanket and things and walked back to the car. We drove home and made love. Later that night, lying in bed, I asked her to marry me. “I don’t have a ring yet,” I said, “But I love you, and I think it’s right.” She said, “Yes.” We made love again. It was the happiest I’ve ever been.

            We returned to the park the next day. It was kind of our park then. We sat together on a blanket in the field and watched the sunset. After, we laid out on the blanket and then she dozed off in my arms. I smiled and kissed her forehead. Then I fell asleep too.

I awoke to a man I had never seen before. He was sticking something in my side and whispering for me to get up. I told him to leave me alone and then he swore at me and told me to get up again. His tone was harsh. I felt something prod me again. I looked down and in the moonlight saw that it was a gun.

            Afraid, I started to sway Kathy, to wake her up. He said, “No, leave her…” He was quiet. I looked at him and shuddered, disgusted. “What are you going to do to her?” He looked at me. It was dark, but the moon gave enough light for me to see his face. He was smiling crookedly, unshaven, and thin. “I’m gonna fuck her.”

            A tear fell down my face as I quietly said, “No.” He laughed. “No?” He shoved the gun to my forehead as he asked. “Now get up.” I didn’t move. “Get… Up…” He started to get angry. Kathy stirred and opened her eyes. For a moment she just stared at us both, and then she quickly sat up. “You,” he said quivering, “need to lie back down.”

            Kathy, stricken with fear, began to cry and asked, voice shaking, “What’s happening?” The man, tired of conversation, decided to make his move. “Outta the way!” He pushed me aside and started to undo his pants. He lunged on Kathy who started screaming. I had to do something. I pulled him off and began to hit him. I didn’t stop.

            I knocked him aside and then we began rolling, each of us trying to take control. We split for a moment and then both looked at the gun, Kathy lay quivering to the side. We lunged but the man got there first. I grabbed his hand and fought for it. A shot went off, hitting no one. I pulled away at this and was knocked back. Then he aimed, laughing.

            A shot. A force in my chest. The darkness went white for a moment, and then faded to black. I blinked and I sputtered, blood I imagine. It only hurt for a moment. I heard her scream. She didn’t stop.

I lay in the darkness and I ask God a question. I don’t really expect an answer. And wouldn’t you know it, I don’t get one. Kathy screams. I wish I could too.

A guy