Born to Cry

She said I had been born to cry. “Born to cry,” she had said. I looked, and did nothing. She smiled. She smiled and then she walked away. That was it. I stood. Alone. And I did just what I was born to do.

John walked away after telling me “the truth.” I think it had been hard for him, but I wasn’t sure. I was never very sure about John. I watched him until he had disappeared into the next hall. And even after I bore my stare in that direction as if he were still there- still walking away. I started to cry.

It was strange. I was in school, in the hall, and surrounded by passing strangers. But I was crying. It was not a stifled cry either. It was full and gasping for breath. It was a healthy cry; I had not had one in a while. I felt as though I had been under water for my whole life, and I was just now coming up for air. I cried and I cried. I didn’t try to stop.

Kristen ran up to me. “What’s wrong?” She was frantic, like the world was ending. I didn’t answer, I only cried some more. I didn’t want to answer; I rather liked the attention.

“Hunny, what’s wrong?” She called me hunny. She only did that when she was worried, or was feeling particularly affectionate. I imagine it was a little bit of both.

“Is it John? Did John do this?” Now she was getting angry. I opened my eyes for a moment and wiped away the salty tears. I looked into her eyes and paused for a moment.

“I knew it! Oh, god,” she said, now speaking softly, “look, he’s so not worth it Jen, he’s really not. I mean you could do so much better than him!”

I knew she was right, and I really wasn’t entirely devastated by John’s shit. It was more the content, what he had said. What it would mean. I thought about denial and even getting angry. But I wasn’t angry; I was sad- so I kept on crying.

“Here, Jen? We’re gonna get out of here, okay? I’m gonna take you home. What are you staring at? This isn’t a show! Get away!” A crowd had begun to form and Kristen was shooing them away. Kristen always stood up for me, handled my affairs so to speak. She had been my friend for as long as I had had friends.

She pulled me aside and into an empty corridor. Classes had begun so the people were filtering out of the halls. I decided then to speak.

“Kristen,” I said through shining face and blurry eyes, “He told me everything. Everything, Kristen.” I paused and looked at her directly now; I looked into her eyes.

Now it was her turn to pause. Now it was her turn to be silent. I had wondered how she would react, right from the moment John told me.

“I… but, you don’t think that…” Without ever expressing a coherent thought, tears began to well up in my best friend’s eyes.

“I think that you should tell me the truth.” I spoke calmly, despite my emotion. This was important.

She faltered her breath a little and then wiped her eyes. She looked to the ground and gathered herself. Then she looked at me, with a wide and serious gaze.

“Me and John, we… we’re… we were… together.” Upon choking out the one thing she thought she would never have to, Kristen started to cry.

I hesitated, and then it was my turn to think. I frowned in concentration, thinking hard on my broken friend. She sobbed heavily and broke my train of thought. Angrily I looked to her, and, suddenly, I knew just what to say.

“You were born to cry Kristen. Born to cry.” I smiled then. She looked to me and did nothing. She did not cry and she did not speak. She seemed immersed in vague consideration. I turned, deciding to leave her to it, and walked away.

A guy