Me Time

It seems like life has been going at a crazy fast pace lately. Feel sometimes like I’m in this whirlwind and need to find a place to just stop and breathe. Although life has been full recently, it’s all been good and for that I’m grateful. But last week, dealing with handling what I once thought was a small get-together with just a couple family members, suddenly grew to almost 20 people. Yes, I am married to a social butterfly who loves people and seems unable to keep a social situation small so it’s definitely not the first time this has happened. My way is to usually “suffer in silence” but as what usually happens, this became the social straw that broke this camel’s back. Terry and I also differ in that he has a short fuse and explodes immediately whenever confronted with problems. I have the loooooooong fuse but it explodes after a long time and it did.

The party was wonderful; everything got done like I wanted and am glad all the people could be here but the long fuse reached its end. I think it’s just my survival mechanism that activates. And it wasn’t just the party that grew and grew but so many other things that are going on, and all coming on the heels of moving to a new house. This old lady is tired. And I get to say that because Monday I celebrated my 64th birthday. Geeze, that sounds so ancient.

Next week, Terry is going with his father to Connecticut for a whole week. I don’t mind when he goes out of town but prefer him to be gone no longer than 4 days and 3 nights. That seems to be just the perfect amount of time for me to have some alone time, catch up on whatever I want and then anticipate his return. Also after 3 nights, I start hearing noises in the house at night that I haven’t heard before and start feeling a little too alone.
I decided that I would take advantage of this week to myself. Terry will be having a good time with his dad on a mini vacation. So I made myself a promise that I would take a “vacation” too. Only I will spend mine in the place I love most…home.

I will do only what I want to do. No appointments, no duties, no places to go that I don’t want to go to, just wallow in “my stuff.” I may read all day long. I may even eat bonbons and watch soap operas all day (probably not but I could.) I will sleep late. I will ignore any phone calls unless I want to answer them. I will eat when I feel like eating rather than set times like Terry likes. I’m more of a grazer when it comes to eating and he likes a full on meal. I shall answer to no one nor will I have to see anyone I don’t want to see. I will have no obligations to fulfill, just like if I were away on vacation. I have given myself total permission to do this and for once, I’m looking forward to Terry being gone.

I realized last week that I continue to always put others, their needs, and duties ahead of mine. I think a lot of people do that, particularly, wives and mothers. I don’t have a problem with that but sometimes it seems too overwhelming and you need to know when to say, “enough.” It’s taken me a long time to be able to allow myself to do such a thing. I realized that in putting everything else ahead of what I wanted may accomplish a lot of things but I end up cranky. Terry would never , unless it was an emergency, put anything else ahead of the times he teaches karate. I found that I was putting my art classes at the bottom of the list, rather than make it a priority and therefore I would miss going often. And at this time in my life, that’s a mistake. Those are the most enjoyable times of my week and I shouldn’t let other things take that away from me. So this week I will attend both days for class, as I prefer. I will also set aside time to paint at home with no excuses like I have to get other things done first. Art has been on hold for most of my life and now is the time to do what I always wanted to do.

It feels good to do this. It’s certainly not the first time that I find myself overwhelmed with too much to do and very little of it being what I want to do. It probably won’t be the last time either but I’m glad I am at least able to recognize it before I have a total meltdown. I know that in the past, there have been times when I didn’t realize what was happening and my body had had enough and decided to make me rest, even if I didn’t think I need it. I’ve seen that in the past, illness or injuries have been my body’s way of saying, slow down so I prefer to stop and do it myself before I do end up out of commission.

I’m still very much in love with this new house and it’ll be delightful to just hide away here. For the first time, I feel truly “at home,” where I would change nothing and not have to make do with what I have because of circumstances. This is HOME and I’m never leaving. I’m just so tickled to be so lucky to have found it. I never realized how good it feels to be in your dream home and it’s not just how it looks, it’s also how it feels. And it seems to have that same effect on others to come here which is just an added bonus.

So don’t call me next week, I’ll be on vacation. 🙂