Sunday

I wish I would write here more often. Keeping a journal or diary does not come naturally to me. I tend to hide my deepest emotions/thoughts. Privacy is a big thing to me but am aware that it can keep me separate and apart from others.
I also need to get over feeling like I have nothing newsworthy to write about. My objective here is to record what my life is about and not for entertainment for others. I also secretly (there I go again) hope that someday it will be something for my daughter to see past the regular day to day person that I show the world.

We’re still involved with settling in here at the new house. Today we made great strides in finally attacking and organizing the kitchen. We needed to live here awhile to figure out where we wanted everything to be. We managed to finally deal with the overwhelming thought of removing everything we had put in drawers/cupboards and moving it all to areas that not be so awkward. Felt good when we finished. I’m very grateful that Terry helps me in these matters because otherwise I might have talked myself into just living with it as it was.

I sometimes wonder about how relationships ebb and flow. Prior to the move, Terry and I couldn’t have been closer. Since then, not so much. Nothing to worry about but just not as in sync as before and sometimes, to the point he drives me nuts and I wonder who this man is. I know stress and moving takes its toll and am old enough and wise enough to know that like everything else in life, relationships are in constant flux. So I’ll just wait it out. Funny, though but all my girlfriends and female relatives are having exactly the same low in their relationships with their men. Maybe it has more to do with the seasons or biorhythms. Who knows?

I have enjoyed the results of losing those 10 pounds last year and they have stayed off but I do wish someone had told me that losing weight when you’re older has side effects. Without the fat to plump up the skin, it tends to “hang” there. Unlike in my youth, it doesn’t snap back. Or even slowly go back. As superficial as it sounds, I stare at the skin on my arms and parts of my legs, trying to figure out who they belong to. I’m sad for the loss of that smooth taut skin that I knew so well. It sounds so petty to say these things but it honestly, bothers me and takes some adjustment to get used to it. I was blessed with good genes that have allowed me to grow older than I look and as my daughter says, I need to remember that most people go thru this long before I did. I got some 5 lb free weights, hoping to pump up the arms with muscle and that does help but so far, I haven’t found any weights that will help with the neck that slowly starting to look like a turkey. I am not greatly troubled by this but I honestly don’t like it one bit.

Still very much in love with this house. So far, I haven’t found any aspect of it that doesn’t “fit” me/us. Its contemporary style has allowed us to streamline decorating and do away with a lot of knickknacks. Having less “stuff” is far more appealing as I get older.

I have a girlfriend who tells me I talk too much about being old/older. I think she interprets it as something negative, which I don’t. It most definitely has negative aspects but I’ve always been an analyzer about everything and to me, this is like an adventure. Seems to me, I pretty much coasted from my mid twenties to 60 years old. Nothing much changed outwardly or inwardly but now I’m aware of all kinds of changes happening. The positive effects are very much in the lead and I wouldn’t trade the older/wiser mind I have now for all the perfect skin I had in my younger years. But I can’t help but watch and be aware of the changes that are happening. I feel like I’m my own research scientist, noting what is evolving. So I may talk about it but it doesn’t mean I’m unhappy about it.