Monday 3 PM

Finally.
I feel like I’m back in control and doing what I want to do.
Terry left early, early Thursday morning to fly to Boston. He is traveling with his karate master to visit a group in their system and do all kinds of martial arts “things” besides visit all the schools in the area.

I never mind when he leaves for various reasons. Sometimes he goes fishing with his family or friends and various other things. The first couple days are usually a nice break for me to just be me and do what I want to do. After that I start really missing him and hearing all kinds of noises I don’t remember hearing at night when he’s here.
I thought this would be just a repeat of those other times. But it soon became one of those times that what could go wrong, did go wrong with so many things.

I began writing an outline of all the things that have happened since he was gone and all the problems and extra work, etc that ensued but I got tired just writing it so I will only say that since he left, I have not had the usual peace and quiet downtime I was so looking forward to. Instead of trying to fall asleep, worrying about strange noises, I fall into bed, too tired to even hear them so that’s a good thing. I’ve got my 2 big lovable dogs, softly snoring in the room with me and that too helps me fall asleep quickly.

I was invited to dinner at a friend’s house tonight. I happily accepted and as I rushed around, thinking of what I wanted to accomplish before I left for their house, I realized that I was now part of the problem. I learned awhile ago that I go somewhat crazy if I have too much to do and not enough time to do it in. It still takes me some time to put on the brakes and call a halt to “all” of it. I’ve learned to say, “no, I’m sorry, I can’t do that.” But it isn’t second nature yet. So I called my friends and said I’d be a more sane person if I finished what I needed to do and then spend some time painting, which always helps me zone out, find peace and just be me. Then after that, I’ll read some of my good book that I just started and end the day with me and the dogs watching some TV. I’ve got some good shows either recorded or on DVD and yes, one dog does actually watch some TV with me. Not the brightest dog but the sweetest.

Sometimes you realize that just living can be a full time job. As I’ve gotten older, I have been able to identify things about myself that I need to modify to achieve the sanity I want. I am aware that I always want to say yes to help people but I also know that to stay happy and sane, I have to say no sometimes. I prefer to be a nice and sweet wife and I don’t like confrontations but there are times when I need to tell Terry that neglect of certain items around the house has caused some problems for me while he was gone and he can’t keep procrastinating. And I did that on one of our phone calls and there was no “confrontation,” just him hearing me and promises to get them done. I know that I will have to stay on top of that promise or else nothing will change. I prefer not to do that but I have to do that. It’s a fine line I walk to not be a nag but still get him to do the things that need to be done.

But, as Scarlett said, I shall think about that tomorrow.