Intro and random short rant about my ED (TW)

Hi this is my first entry so far onto this account, but yeh. I‘m a 14, coming up 15, year old trans guy with a bunch of mental stuff going which I balance with an eating disorder (EDNOS). I dont like my ED but it gives me a sense of control which helps with deal with stress and helps me refrain from self harm. Bad stuff in my life is mostly mild atm, the only problems are not seeing friends (quarantine) and a mounting schoolwork from procastination and not really knowing where to start with it. Good stuff I guess is my family finally have gotten off my back about my ED as my binges when I have them can last a good week, which makes them think I'm recovered and back to my old ways of binging and no restriction, which they magically think mean I`m recovered.

My only real goals for now is catch up on work, lose weight and actually get the courage to eat mcdonalds for my best friends birthday party. Or somehow get away with not eating any junk at all and just play the I'm eating healthy now  card. Ngl makes me feel kinda bad but hey it`s either that or spending the day hating myself or wanting to die over a bloody burger, when the day is supposed to be about my best friend, not me.

I hate lying to them, but it’s either that or recovery, which I have been there, done that and I hate it, to say the least.

I guess that`s all for now, bye whomever may or may not read dis 🙂