letters from dad to daughter

From Dad

Hayley,
To describe my feelings about your current behaviour would require a series of adjectives that would produce carpal tunnel syndrome in my wrist so I’ll limit myself to one word: disgust.  What truly disturbs me is that you clearly have no conscience and think nothing of wreaking havoc and pain on others in your quest for self-indulgence.  You have yet to provide a rational explanation for your actions.  Why have you abandoned your place and made absolutely no effort to reconcile or seek counseling with James?  Why have you placed him in a financial straitjacket after assuring him (and us) that you would help him pay for his considerable expenses?  Why?  Have you no principle?  Do you make these assurances knowing full well you have no intention of keeping them?  Why have you broken your oath to God?  Why have you taken the easy way out and yet again walked away from your responsibilities?  What is your explanation?  Why are you now contributing to the delinquency of a minor?
Dad 

From Me:

Why am I forced against a wall all the time and demanded an explanation? When are you going to treat me like an adult and just let me make my own mistakes without constantly harrasing me?   If I make a desicion I at least want some respect in my own desicion making. I’m not going to go through what I know is a waste of time because I’m feeling guilt tripped into it, you should want me to make my own choices, God gave me free will.
Counselling? What are they going to tell me? They can’t bring back feelings. When I got married it was a mistake if I stayed in the marriage I know I’d regret it for the rest of my life. James is a wonderful person and i’m very sorry I hurt him and his family but was I supposed to live a lie? I don’t want to spend the rest of my life getting fat and paying endless bills and staring at walls. James and I are two different ppl and he wants different things out of life than I do. YES I should have figured that out before, but now I have. Imagine yourself in the same situation. You can’t because you married the right person so everything is fine there for you. Imagine if you HADN’T.

I couldn’t help him this month because I HAVE NO MONEY my hours were shorted at work and I’m looking for a second job as we speak. There’s only so much I can do and I explained that to him and he SAID that it was fine. I don’t know how u suddenly got involved (again). Why can’t this stay between james, me and God?  Why are you always getting involved in my life and telling me how to live it? I’m 23 years old. Did your parents ever do this to you? How would u react if they did?
I don’t know if you ever made mistakes in your life. Ones that you felt u could never forgive yourself for. Probably. I’m sure you asked God for forgiveness and paid for them.  It was probably alot easier for you because you didn’t have two parents that u loved also mad at you, and getting all involved. Who knows if God will ever forgive me or if you will. That’s what hurts the most. I feel like I’ve fallen into a hole and I can’t get out and I keep slipping further but I can’t even talk to you about it because you’ll just get upset and completly reject me and so as a result I’m talking to all the wrong people about it because at least they won’t throw me from their lives and turn their backs in disgust.

I’m in a catch 22. It’s wrong to divorce according to the Bible. But I can’t stay in the marriage and be happy. I KNOW I won’t be happy. And here I am explaining myself to you. Have you ever broken an oath to God? Why aren’t you pushed against a wall by everyone and demanded an explanation?

What do you mean contributing to the deliquency of a minor? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, keep Charlene and Sarah out of it, this does not involve them.  At least respect that wish.

I guess I’m mad and defensive because I feel like you’re just demanding all these answers from me. Why can’t you just tell me you love me no matter what and that you wish that I would do the right thing but ultimatly it’s my desicion?  The more you do this, the more I run from you and the less you get involved in my life.  you’re still way too overproctective. You have to let me be an adult.

 

From Dad

I have attempted to read between the lines of your diatribe and I  am  left with two observations.

1.  Had you attempted to explain and make the proper arrangements I   would have not only have understood but I would have tried to  support  both you and James.
2. I have not spoken to you since your unilateral ‘great escape’ so   your references to me interfering is absurd, nor have you ever  said  anything to me about keeping Charlene and Sarah ‘out of it’.  But to  the extent that you are indeed contributing to the moral  corruption  of that child I have much to say and will always retain  that right as  a human being.  You will stand before God to give an  account  one day  and God help you if you have in any way  contributed to that girl’s  moral corruption.  As Jesus Himself  said, "It would be better for him  if a millstone were hung around  his neck and he were thrown into the  sea, than that he would cause  one of these little ones to stumble."   I don’t say this to  threaten or bully you but because I care for the  innocent and I  fear for your soul.

Here is what you should have done:

You should have sat down with James and explained to him that you   were deeply unhappy, that you felt you had made a mistake and that   you only blame yourself.  Then you should have come to mutual   agreement about the way forward, including arrangements for divorce   if all else failed.  You both then should have explained the   situation to his family and us and explain what arrangements the  both  of you had made. Had you done so I would have reacted  entirely  differently. In any event you are a married woman until  the day you  are divorced (I trust I make myself clear). 

From me:

I did sit down with James and tell him that. He suggested a   seperation, that I stay with char, and then come to a desicion. I  did  all that.  Great Escape? Nice terminology.  I wasn’t escaping.  Then he  acted surprised that i left. He;s confused, so am I,  everything went  down wrong. I’m sorry about that, if I had known  there was a better  way that would have made you happy, I would have  done it that way in a  heartbeat.  You always are telling me what i  SHOULD have done. I wish  I could do everything the way you wanted  it and that everything could  be fixed and everyone could be happy.  I can’t fix it though so there’s  nothing I can do except apologize  for hurting everyone.  What else can 

I possibly do?

I have said SEVERAL times to James and to mum to stop bringing   charlene into it. You must just not have heard that because you  refuse  to speak to me.  If you think that I am being a bad  influence to  Sarah, then think what you like, but you said  contributing, and  therefore you’re attacking charlene and I think  she’s a wonderful  mother and person and I don’t think your opinion  counts in this matter  because you don’t know her at all. Say all  you want about me but  Charlene should not be brought into it.  Unless you want to bring all  non-christian mothers into it.   Because you’re referring to, I assume,  the fact that Charlene is  not a christian and therefore is morally  corrupt, and therefore has  a deliquent morally corrupt child. Well  then so do Sarah and  Berient or any of your non believing friends, so  why don’t you  accuse them of the same thing? Because it’s a moot  point!  If you  think that I am being a bad infulence to Sarah, than  say that,  dont’ say contributing. 

From Dad:

What I am referring to has nothing to do with anyone’s faith or lack  of  it.  How dare you say thatWhat I am referring to has nothing to do with anyone’s faith or lack  of  it.  How dare you say that

From Me:

well I can only assume that’s what u mean, why else would u say  contributing to her moral corruption if u know nothing about  charlene!! 

From Dad

This is the same woman who left a note on your Facebook a month or two  ago using the ‘F’ word, correct? Give it up Hayley, you’re wasting my  time and yours. 

From Me:

 
 
I see. She’s morally corrupt because she uses the f word. That’s great. When u corner the market on perfection let me know. Because you NEVER swear. Well I guess Tristan and I are morally corrupt from the times growing up we heard you swear.
This is just a game of judging now, and you’re right, it is a waste of time.

From Dad:

She is the same woman who you described to me as going to the bars and disappearing with men.  I remember once you called me to express your fear for her welfare.  What messages do these send to her daughter?  As for me, if I swore I later apologised to you, your brother and mum and I only used the F word once to my recollection which is entirely different from using it as a common adjective in normal day to day speech.  How dare you.  You would compare the way you were brought up to this situation?  You contemptible, ungrateful human being. Fine then, good luck to you.  Don’t come crawling back here when your world collapses around you.