:(

My dad passed away on Friday September 28th, shortly before 4:30am.  I was there for his last breath, which ended him making a frown.  I cried and cried.  And I held his hand for 3 hours crying after he passed.  Gave his body a kiss on the forehead and told him I loved him one last time as I would never see his body again.  This is ultimately the worst experience of my life.  However, I am thankful I got to have him as my father for 29 years, and I am also thankful that I could be with him when he left us.  He  is no longer in pain which means so much.  He was in the most agonizing pain.

  I cannot get the image of his last few gasps of air out of my head. 

I have been staying at hospice with him since the Friday before.  When we arrived they told him he could go home monday.  Monday came and gone.  He just got worse and worse.  The 3 month prognosis that the oncologist gave him 1 month ago was wrong.  I never thought that he would have gone that fast.

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NOW- its been about a month and a half since my dad/best friend passed away. 

I thought this would get easier.  I did get some xanax from the doc for when I am really down and weepy.  

I dreamt about him every night except for the last few nights.  I hope he comes back to me in my dreams.  

One dream he said "I feel good.  There is no pain where I am".  

I miss him so much.