95lbs and couldn’t feel worse

So I will be leaving for my doc appointment in less than an hour. I am 95lbs with clothes on and I couldn’t possibly feel worse. I feel like I am on my deathbed and all I want to do is finish this damn appointment so I can eat something before I collapse. Hope I don’t pass out walking there and back. Man, I feel so weak and can’t concentrate or do anything at all but be self absorbed. I hate myself for this, I hate my ED. I hate seeing this doctor. I think seeing him might kill me faster. Definately don’t want to go back to see him ever again. ARGH! I wonder how he will take the news. Maybe I just won’t say anything and just not go back. I feel like shit. Really really bad. Won’t even let myself drink coffee or water this morning for fear it will add a pound or so. So I have had nothing. Starting to feel a bit dizzy. My chest hurts again. And I just feel horrible all over….ARGH…I am so eating as soon as I get home. However, I will have to put my son for a nap shortly after I get home so I won’t be able to binge or anything, which I guess is good. I will binge enough later tonight to last me a lifetime. Anyways, I can’t wait until my hubby gets here so I can leave.