Blurry Window

 It seems with most things there exists a window of sorts. Sometimes it’s a window of opportunity. There’s only so much time to enter it before you lose your opportunity. Your only hope at that point is to break through the glass and force your hand. 

There are also windows that close and force you out even once you have entered. Instead of entering through the window and remaining comfortably inside for presumably ever, you sit on the windowsill, perched in a somewhat uncomfortable and unstable place. 

Further yet, I feel like I’ve been stuck in windows before. Situations where there just wasn’t enough room to be comfortable or do things the way I wanted to. The window is always there, but it becomes less appealing with time, and at some point you either break the walls to try and make the hole bigger, or you just leave it behind.

The windows of opportunity are always the most difficult for me. Generally they’re like the weather outside lately, damp, foggy; impossible to gaze through and acquire a clear picture within. Even if the window is open, I can’t see very far down the hallway. Often in the past I’ve stared at the window until it closed, afraid of not being able to return, maybe simply worried that as I tried to enter, the window would fall closed and smash my hands. 

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, but I disagree. They’re not built that way. You can never get a clear picture into someone’s mind through their eyes. Who knows if you’re seeing the truth, or lies, or maybe just fog. Eyes change color, and dilate. Windows don’t do that. Maybe the window is obscured, but it’s because of some other factor, not the window itself.

Alright, enough metaphors for this entry.

I hung out with someone I’ve been talking to online last night, and one of her friends. It was a bust. I didn’t waste a whole lot of time on it though, and I don’t regret trying. In that situation, I didn’t have to do much, she was the one who asked to hang out.

There’s someone else I’ve been talking to that I’m far more interested in, she kind of reminds me of someone sentimental from the past. Regardless, we seem to have a lot in common. I feel like with her, I have to make the initiative. Out of the various women that I let slip through my fingers, I would truly regret screwing up with her. I suppose I just need to ask her to dinner, but I don’t want to do it too soon and be too aggressive. Ugh. I’m not good with this sort of thing. Maybe asking for her number to text first would be better. Hmm. I feel like if I could just have a conversation with her in a decent medium, things would be fine.

I’ve just been at home for the most part this week, and have been largely unproductive. It seems like when I have too much free time, I fail to manage it properly. I’ve also been struggling with my sleep schedule. I keep going to bed too late, and get up at six, but get really tired at some point and lose my energy.

No real plans for today. I’m sure I’ll play Rock Band with Scott when he gets home. Tomorrow I work, finally, then I get another day off before doing double duty next week.

I’ve been listening to an EP that one of my friends I’ve known online for a few years just made. He isn’t really serious about pursuing his music, but it’s actually pretty good. I started messing with music creation programs before him, and then gave up, but he kept with it. He knows guitar too. I should be at his level, and it’s depressing to think in all that time I have nothing worthwhile to show for the time wasted.

I need to get out of the house more. Aye yai yae.