The Wright Stuff

 I’m having an Edgar Wright night tomorrow, looking forward to it. Wanted to do it for a while…and then kind of decided today to do it tomorrow. Not a lot of build-up but that’s fine. I invited a few people, some are working, so it’ll be the usual gang. Shaun of the Dead followed by Hot Fuzz followed by Scott Pilgrim! Exciting times. Torrey’s bringing over a friend from work she thinks I would hit it off with. I have a like interest, but until something happens, I’ll go fishing, so to speak.

And on that note, I’ve been spending way too much time around people. I can’t allow myself to be happy right now. Kind of. I need to be productive. Working on my site. Working out. Learning bass. Most importantly, finding a real job so I can go to school and pay rent. Having events and get-togethers, fun as they are, accomplishes none of these things. 

I’m not sure I like the person I’m turning into. I’m fine with the whole robotic thing, for the most part. I’m definitely turning into a slacker though. Really, though my call center job has its flaws, as does the company I work for, it’s not supremely horrible. I dread going into work. I can’t enjoy it in the slightest. I wonder when I became a person that wasn’t happy with anything. I’ve always had high aspirations and expectations, but I can’t even feel gratitude that I can pay my bills. I hate my job. I hate working. I’m so burned out. It feels like I work all the time, and get nothing out of it. I used to accept it before, I didn’t have this much of a problem. I find myself wanting to find a job where I can get away with doing as little work as possible. Which…was Sears, for the most part. Ugh. That place did suck though, and above all they constantly changed my schedule. It just seems like I’m heading in a bad direction.

Most people have their phase where they are rebellious, somewhat destructive, and in general do things that they later feel bad for. This is usually in high school or at the end of their teenage years. For those I know, this period is behind them. For me, I feel like it’s ahead of me. I never had that phase when I was younger. I find myself wanting to let go of priority, of obligation, of being adult, and just feel free.

I need to put things back in focus.