Early Frost

It was really cold yesterday when I got up to get around for training at Toys R Us. Winter is coming…ugh. I’m sure there will be several more weeks of decent sunny-ish weather, but it’s coming. I really hate winter. As rational and relatively emotionless as I am, I get heavily depressed every winter. I’m not sure if it’s sentiment or just a change of the seasons.

Yesterday was training for Toys R Us. It sucked. Heavily boring. There were the requisite extremely cheesy and obvious training videos, and then a bunch of, well, obvious nonsense. Maybe it’s because I’ve worked in retail so much, but everything that wasn’t about their specific registers or protection plans just seemed like common sense. Like, anyone should know this stuff. Being nice to customers? Trying to be helpful? Having product knowledge? Yahyadon’tsay. Then again, I once trained seasonals at Circuit City, and now I’m a lowly seasonal myself. At minimum wage, no less. Oy.

I was supposed to start Sears the same day, but the training intersected, so hopefully I’ll start there Monday or Tuesday. I really only wanted to go to orientation, I feel like anything else at Toys R Us is missable. Sears is my main priority, so I will work around that with my other jobs. I realize I put open availability at the time, but I need the money. I will at least get some solid hours in at Toys R Us next week, as they want everyone there early Mon-Thurs to put up the seasonal store in the mall, and apparently everyone there as well on Friday, the first day of it being open. After that I’m sure I’ll get next to nothing, but that initial week of money will be super helpful when I get it.

Still looking for an apartment. I have a connection but the connection isn’t, er, connecting. Jared needs to call Roxanne already, so I can get one of the places I’m staying at, since they’re the nicest I’ve seen, for a reasonable price, and I can presumably get around having to make 3x my income as rent. I am kind of ignoring/avoiding my friends from Michigan at the moment, as they’re just going to be impatient and nag me until I have a place, and rightfully so. I already feel like an asshole for taking this long. If anyone will be patient, it will be me. I can tell I’m starting to get on Seth’s and Kayla’s nerves, but they’re too polite to say anything. I guess I have been here close to a month couch surfing(bed surfing? my bed is in the living room, so that seems more suitable), rent-free no less. I’ll compensate them in time though.

I at least have someone else to go in on a place with before the MI friends move down here, which is helpful. I’ve pretty much hung out with Skyler the last week straight. It’s…weird. I don’t have a best friend. I don’t remember the last time I did, and I don’t think I want to ever again, I don’t want to rely on anyone that much. However, I guess if I had one at the moment, he’d be it. It’s weird. I have trained myself to be a loner. I suppose I had better get used to it, as there will be four of us in a two bedroom house soon enough, and I’m not really going to have my space aside from when I’m at work, still around other people.

Someone added me on facebook because she went to school with Cassandra and thought my posts and whatnot were funny. I’ve heard of this concept; my friend Corey has a following on facebook/myspace, including females, but it’s new to me. We’ve been texting here and there. I’ve offered to hang out but it hasn’t happened. I assume it won’t. I don’t really feel like trying. I just don’t understand women. Actually, I don’t understand people in general, but women specifically in the romantic sense. The ones I’ve encountered don’t seem to back up their intentions with actions. I feel like most people are like that, anyway. They’ll talk all day, but won’t back it up. They’re afraid of change and won’t take a chance. They’re unreliable, and I won’t chance myself on that anymore. I tire of doing all the work. Starting conversations, sending texts after the conversation dies even though they never replied to the last one. Bah. Why bother? I haven’t really pursued the girl I’m intrigued by at Derby because of this. Or maybe I’m just making excuses for myself. Yeah, that’s most likely it. Regardless, I’ve been at this whole heartless schtick for almost a year. I’ve wavered here and there, especially within the last several weeks. I think it’s helped me though, compared to times before. I have been disappointed a couple times by trying to exert effort that wasn’t reciprocated, but that’s it. I haven’t been crushed, I haven’t been depressed. I haven’t assumed anything. Perhaps when the time is right I’ll go back to running the usual pace to try and impress someone. For now, I’m continuing to diminish my feelings. The usual winter symptoms haven’t been as bad so far. I bleed here and there, but it dries quickly. Although hanging out with Jared, Kayla and Skyler has certainly helped my confidence, I feel like it’s partially because of being such a loner as well.

Once this place thing is sorted, my stress will be largely gone. I’m going to be poor for a while, but soon enough I should be working my ass off. I won’t have time to get sentimental or rue my affectionless existence. It’ll be nice.