Get out of my head

My relationship with my roommate has never been great.

When we were first introduced, through a mutual friend, he called me to ‘meet’ me and talked my ear off for about 2 hours. Going through a breakup, needed a soft place to land, I had the space and needed someone to pay half rent.  That was in the fall of 2017

Skip to spring of 2018, and because of my landlord’s scummy ways, we were faced with moving out. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t have moved in with him again. But this place we call home is too expensive to live on your own, unless you make mid 6 figures, so while I still looked for places on my own, I also tried to find places for us to live too

We’ve had our issues over the years we’ve cohabited together, I honestly do not know how he functions in life.  So clueless and generally an extremely self-involved person.  I have also been hyper vigilant in choosing my words around him because his perception of what people say is so far from what is actually being conveyed. I have often felt that I should walk on eggs shells around him to temper his reaction.  My therapist has squared me away about that. It’s not my responsibility to worry about someone’s reaction. Speak plainly, politely and civil and if he has a problem with it, that’s on him.  As my friend Tim said, when I told him about some of his antics, sounds like he just doesn’t care

In the past he has told me that he’s admittedly lazy and that he gets away with it. Which of course my hair immediately went up and vowed to never do anything for him ever. I am sure I have mentioned some of the stupid shit he’s done. Like almost setting our place on fire, twice, and not being able to perform simple tasks. He’s just generally repellent and it just bugs me to no end that he’s the person I share a house with

We’re currently not talking. I asked him nicely to not delete shows that I watch and he basically came unglued, yelled at me to ‘not come at him with my attitude’ and wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise, said he had more important things to worry about and stormed off in a huff.  We had a brief interaction about rent over text, which I learned after 2 years he was lying about ‘not being able to transfer money from his investment checking account, I should just send to you instead’. But that’s been it for going on 2+ weeks. Not a word

On paper he’s the perfect roommate: he barely ever leaves his room. And that’s not an exaggeration. He is in there 95% of his time, both now that he’s at home 3 days a week due to shift work and the weekends.  And he doesn’t cook.  Everything he eats goes into the microwave or comes from a package. He even said when they wanted managers to work Saturdays, that someone younger who doesn’t have a life should do that. He shouldn’t have to mess up his plans to work on Saturday. I sat there and stared at him, the words raging in my head: but you don’t ever leave the house. You don’t have a life either…left unsaid, but still thought

Now he is being really petty and stupid (I should say still is). It’s essentially we’re both thinking we live alone and our paths don’t cross.  I have taken over the whole house now, from working on the main patio, to the living room, to my room and MY patio.  The house, even though we pay half for everything, is practically mine. Nothing in the house is his, except his room and bathroom (which no one can use, even though it’s the main condo bathroom. Anyone that comes over and needs to use the bathroom, has to walk through my room to use mine.)

How to get him out of my head? On the daily he is rude, thoughtless, immature, entitled and while nothing surprises me about his actions, I am letting them bother me. Mar and I were talking about it yesterday about how his drinking has ratcheted up a LOT and she said, well it could be worse, he could be a belligerent drunk, bothering you and acting the fool. He also takes a shower with the door open, because there isn’t a fan in there (there’s a window, which he refuses to open). And I let that bother me too

How do I let all the things that he does go? Why do I dwell on his idiocy? I cannot figure it out. Alina and Mar both have said don’t waste another ounce of energy on him and yet I still let him creep in. I have tried to do all sorts of ‘work’ on letting go, learning about sticking to my boundaries, not letting others energies affect me and yet…I am pretty sure it’s the fear of having to find either a new place to live or a new roommate which would cause an even bigger set of problems.  Most people who share a house USE the house, and I am quite comfortable with this situation of barely seeing him. I actually don’t even like him…as a person. We’ve lived together for a good chunk of time and I don’t trust him. I certainly don’t think of him as a friend. But I get that things could be worse

At the end of the day, I am grateful I have a job, that I have a place to live, that all of those that I hold dear are healthy…so many things to be grateful for, especially now.  This too shall pass. I just need some tools to not dwell on him or anything that he does