Can this actually be true?

OD is back?

When the message popped into my inbox that, not only was OD back, but it could also restore my old diary I cannot even share how I felt.

I regret so much the number of times that I deleted old diaries in a fit of teenage angst and really wish they could all be restored in some ways, but then I am also super glad that they can’t be. I look back over my last few entries- a short period that pretty much just documented the first six months of my daughter’s life and mostly it just makes me feel unbelievable exhaustion and sadness. Maybe because I can feel the desperation and trapped sense I did back then, knowing I had screwed up and had a baby with a scumbag, knowing that this would be my life from now on, regretting that I had let low self esteem put me in such a rubbish position.

My cute little 6 month old is now closing in on 9 YEARS OLD! How on earth did that happen and how different is my life now? I couldn’t have even imagined what we would both have to go to in order to get to this point. It has been tough, but the good news is that in the end I did break free from the coercion and the misery of my relationship with M and I am super blessed now to be in a really healthy and wonderful relationship. Life isn’t perfect, particularly right now when we’re all living in each other’s pockets 24/7 but I am content with life for the first time.

I still need to lose my “baby weight” from nine years ago and would have loved to have had more kids but it just wasn’t to be but life has turned out far better than the 26 year old me could have imagined way back when.

I am so grateful to Frank for bringing OD back and really hope to reconnect with some old friends from here and make some new friends. I just hope that I can still manage to find the time and the angst to write a diary worth reading!