Greener Grass?

One of the side effects of my frantic hedonism is that while I am in the middle of one activity/group of people/location, I can’t keep from wondering whether I should switch to another activity/group of people/location because that might be more enjoyable.  This is rather troubling for me, because I have that "clock is ticking" mindset and I have a limited amount of time to maximize my fun quotient.  It’s the old, "Is the grass really greener on the other side" question.

Funny, I’ve had the Savage Garden lyrics wrong in my head.  I’ve been playing it for years in my head as "I believe the grass is always greener on the other side" and only today, I actually looked up the real lyrics and it’s the complete opposite "I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side"  I suppose that’s what happens when you hear a song once six years ago not knowing who the artist was, get one or two lines stuck in your head for the next six years, then eventually look it up.

The point here isn’t my crappy song memory.  This weekend and the beginning of this week, I started actually jumping over the fence to that other activity/group of people/location to see if it was actually more fun.

Sometimes I realized that the original activity was more fun, so I jumped back and it stayed more fun.

Sometimes I realized that the original activity was more fun, but by the time I jumped back, the fun had kind of dissolved.

Sometimes I realized that the second activity was marginally better.

Sometimes I realized that neither activity is all that great and all the options are lacking.  This definitely makes me want to do something drastic.

So does this mean the grass is always greener or that the grass is no more greener?  Is the greenness of the grass is relative or absolute?  Is the greenness of the grass even a measureable quantity/quality?

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That concludes the profound portion of today’s entry.  Update….hmm, boys are weird….probably getting engaged next summer, although it’s fucked up….my speech is good….I have no job….there’s some fucked up rumor going around that I’m valedictorian, and I’m not so it sucks….I’m going to the beach tomorrow….my family still doesn’t like me very much….my future fiance’s family likes me a little too much….spent pretty much the whole day eating and killing time on facebook….need exercise….need to lose weight.

Today is Steph’s birthday.  I was more excited about this, but when I realized that the chem girls like her better than they like me, I started to get jealous and thus less excited.  I wanted to kill Anna when Anna gave Steph a huge hug at the picnic.  WTF?  When did Anna and Steph get to be friends?  When did Steph even have any interest in making friends?  I’m about to go out to dinner with Steph, Anna, the chem girls, and the chem faculty.  Thank G-d it’s a bar.  I’m going to need to be stunningly drunk to handle this dinner.

It’s funny.  I write.  I have people who read my writing and like it.  I have several hundred people who are willing to publicly declare on the internet that they are friends with me.  I’m a good dancer.  I’m a halfway decent singer.  I can write poetry in French and translate it.  I can lein Torah.  I passed the audition test for Jeopardy College Tournament.  I’m Baccalaureate Speaker.  I have friends that will drive almost two hours just to go to Waffle House with me, I have a guy who would marry me tomorrow if he good, I have an amazing family, and I’ve been more than blessed in health, wealth, and circumstance.

When is all that ever going to be enough for me?