Okay, How Do I Date Men?

Not that I’m all that great at actually "dating" women or transfolks either, but I’m just saying… I’m not even actually sure how to get the ball rolling on this, because I don’t actually *know* very many men.  The men in my life consist of: OpenDiary friends, my brothers and my dad, my lover’s best friend and ex (off limits), and…. yep, I think that’s pretty much it.

Okay, so since I’m posting this to an OpenDiary circle, I’m going to set the facts out clearly here first:
* I am queer.  Most of the time, I prefer to fuck people who have cunts.  Most of the time.
* I am a retired sex worker.  I spent a year of my life paying my rent by fucking men for money – I have had sex with LOTS of men.  Stop thinking tens, stop thinking dozens, get into the couple-hundred range and that’s about right.
* I’ve been assaulted.  While working in the sex industry there was one call I went on that impacted me particularly harshly and that I had to get counselling for to deal with.  This was over a year ago and it’s been dealt with quite well, but still crops up from time to time.
* I don’t actually currently spend time in any non-gay venues, attend any non-gay events, or even really have any non-gay friends.  My entire social circle is pretty hardcore activist gay – and I’m not willing to compromise my ideals or turn my back on my lifestyle just to date men.
* I’m kinky.  Very kinky.  Think of the kinkiest thing you can think of… and now unless you’re a couple of my regular readers, times it by a hundred.  That kinky.
* I’m into polyamory.  According to Webster’s:
Definition:  participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships

Okay, so now taking those things into consideration, here’s the kind of guy I’d want to date:
* A guy who’s okay with all those things about me and doesn’t need to change me in some way.
* A guy who won’t use words like "whore" or "slut" as insults (or if he does at first, would quickly stop once I gave him shit for it the first time)
* A guy who would treat me nicely on dates but not be a total and complete pushover – he might pay for dinner, but would be able to stand up for himself in a heated debate.
* A guy who’s less than double my age and able to keep up with me physically – not just in the bedroom, but even if we were to, say, hike up a mountain.  He doesn’t have to be a gym bunny – I’m sure as hell not, just not the type that would be sitting on the couch all day every day, packing on the pounds.
* A guy who doesn’t want the Maxim/Playboy/Cosmo kind of girl.  I am not that girl, not by a fucking long shot.
* A guy who’s got his shit together in a "not a heavy drinker" kind of way, knows what he wants out of life even if he doesn’t know what he wants out of his career, has passions he pursues (computer games = ok; checking out girls at the beach = not ok), and is ideally at least kind of nerdy and maybe even slightly – but only slightly! – socially awkward.  I’ve always had a soft spot for the kinda nerdy ones…

So….

Where would I go to meet these kinds of guys?  Or really any guys, because maybe I could meet guys who could be my friends, and then maybe they would have friends that I would be interested in.

Fetish play parties?  Hipster hangouts?  Art exhibits and showings?  Craigslist personals?  Online dating?  Political gatherings?  Bookstores?

And then once I meet them and talk to them and we’re perhaps on a date or something like it, then what?  If I put out on the first date will I see him(s) again?  Will he brag to his friends how easy I was?  If he doesn’t avoid me after, would he possibly fall in love and expect to date me as my boyfriend?

*sigh*

It’s so easy to have sex with men; it’s much harder to meet good ones… and to date them.