Body Modifications

In honor of the ending of an incredibly intense phase of my life and the beginning of a new one I’ve made the decision to go ahead with some changes to my physical appearance.

1.  I am cutting off my hair.

Not shaving it off – cutting.  I have an excellent stylist who works at a downtown salon and regularly would be charging me anywhere from $100 to $200, but thanks to my "in" with a particular promo client, I get free haircuts as a result of sponsorship.  She’s amazing with hair dye and a pair of scissors, and I already ran the idea of cutting my hair off past her.  I listed my concerns about it (namely not wanting to end up looking like my mom and being worried about hacking it all off at once), and she listened and made some good suggestions.  For one thing she proposed cutting it off step by step, so that I could decide when it was enough.  She also suggested I bring in pictures of what I want, and then she can tell me whether or not it would work for me, or how it could be modified to suit me.

I need to hack off my hair.  At this point I grew it out so long for the following reasons:
a)  Work.  You have to have long hair to work in the sex industry, there are simply no options.  If you hack your hair off while you’re working in the sex industry, you’re toast.  I worked at a massage parlour where a girl had super-short hair, and she had to go out and get a wig because she had NO clients.
b)  My ex.  The ex I lived with a couple years back liked me with long hair because she liked it when I looked femme.  I started growing it out partially because she liked it, and kept on because it was working for me.
c)  To blend in in straight environments and stand out in queer ones.  I don’t feel the need to do either of these things anymore, and I already stand out enough in the queer community no matter what my hair looks like.

2.  I am getting a new tattoo.

I’ve been meaning to get additional tattoos for a while now, because one just doesn’t feel like enough.  Around the time I was getting the first one done someone told me that tattooing was addictive and that once you had one you would always want more – I see their point.  I now see my body as a canvas on which I can express myself, and it’s not like not getting tattoos would somehow make me a better person, save me from death, or help me in any kind of afterlife.  We only get one shot with this shell, so why not put some art or expression on it?

I plan to get the phrase "SINNERS MAKE THE BEST SAINTS" tattooed on my right pelvic bone area/hip region, starting at about the hip bone and ending in the area above where my pubic hair grows.  The phrase is written on a wall behind Bono in the video for Johnny Cash’s "God’s Gonna Cut You Down" (a great track, and video).  I did an online search and found that the phrase sums up a lesson that Jesus teaches in the Bible, and through both internet research and my own reference (I have a few Bibles here at home – long story), I found that while it’s a lesson Jesus teaches, the phrase itself does not appear anywhere in the Bible.  For me the phrase is applicable to both my life and to leaving the sex trade.

I’m both nervous and excited about taking both these actions, but I feel that they’re important for me and very personal expressions of where I’ve been with my life.  While a lot of people (family, friends, random people I know) won’t get it when I take these actions, those who know me well will understand.  And what matters most is that I’ll understand, and for me they will be massively symbolic steps towards moving on with my life and contributing to my healing process.