Shifting Relationships

I went out last night with a couple of friends for their birthdays, we got piss-ass drunk, and I brought home the newly-single friend I hooked up with a year ago.  I let her fuck me, figuring it would be fine because it was fine last year.  A year is a long time.  It wasn’t fine, but she doesn’t know that yet.  I made the mistake of thinking I was okay with letting someone do me again – uh-uh.  Nope.  I’m a little bit emotionally fuckered over it this morning, even though it was perfectly good sex.

I need to be stone again.  Not stoned – stone.  Wikipedia, help me out here… :

"A Stone Butch is a woman or Genderqueer person who is strongly masculine in character and dress, who tops her partners sexually (and sometimes emotionally), and who does not wish to be touched genitally. Not all stone butches identify in female terms, some are known to identify with male pronouns, and many stone butches – not all, but many – do not identify themselves with lesbian or within the lesbian community."

For several months early this year, I was stone.  I rarely let people fuck me, and I liked it that way.  It fucked with my head a bit, but it gave me a comfort zone after I dealt with a previous harsh episode.  If I were to do it again, I wouldn’t be totally stone – just with people who are new to my sex life.  My current partners I’m okay with, because at least they can either tell or will ask about how I’m doing on any given day.  Sometimes I’m not doing well enough to be fucked, and there are ways that we work around that.

On Thursday one of my lovers had to leave to go back to school.  I miss my puppy.  He’s such a good boy.