Lifestyles of the Impoverished & Oucast

I got back yesterday from a week long journey to a hideaway of mine just outside the city. 5 days spent slowing my life right down to “practically parked”, after Pride weekend and weeks of (sex) working and partying. All I’m going to say about the amount of blow I’ve done over the last few weeks is that I’m currently on $40 worth of medication for the sinus infection I was diagnosed with at a walk-in clinic on Tuesday.

I saw a counsellor at a local sex workers’ assistance centre. I told her what had happened to me, cried a bit, and told her I would come back after my vacation. I think I’m going to try to see her on Monday – I’m well rested after my time away, but I know I have some shit to sort out before I can dive right back into life again. To slow down with life perhaps something like gardening or knitting would be a good hobby. I’m considering buying a plant – I’m pretty proud of myself for having remembered to water my roommate’s plants while she’s been gone on stripper tour, and I think I may just be ready to get one of my own.

It seems like everyone’s life around me has been lived on high volume for the last little while. While I’ve been isolating myself and withdrawing a lot I’ve still managed to notice some of the more dramatic incidents that have been taking place. Deaths, people considering rehab, abuse, assault… the usual high volume drama summer shit that happens when the heat goes up. If I’m still up in a few hours, and my friend’s invitation is still open, I may be joining her on the beach to watch the sunrise and have some moments of rememberance for her the 3 year anniversary of her mother’s death – coincidentally on her birthday.

I’ve done an immense amount of writing in my physical journal since I last posted here, and it’s been really therapeutic for me. It’s occurred to me that it may be time to begin talking to people again, and to speak honestly and openly with them. I’d like to have people around me who are good for the soul, and who love me for who I am, not for something that they want me to be. I feel kinda scared but also empowered by the idea of talking honestly about my life.