Multiple Intimacies

I’m still working at the strip club, still technically unemployed, and still going mental from work overload.  Note to self: do not EVER again take on so much non-profit work that it starts to impair paid work.  Good god.  I’m a fool.

The concept most heavy on my mind the last little while has been intimacy.  I’ve been asked about my fear of intimacy, and it’s kind of been forcing me to think but I haven’t really processed it yet… if that makes sense.

Right now I have a few ongoing things going on:

There’s the one chick I’ve been seeing since the spring, and I’m feeling pretty attached to her but I know that she’s nowhere near as attached to me.  Lately we haven’t been spending a lot of time together and I miss her.

There’s Liz, who is really into me and wants to figure me out.  I’m interested in her and we have a very interesting chemistry, but I have no idea of where I want it to go.  I think I just wanna see what happens.

There’s Andrea, who is also into me, but wants to do things like "cuddle" and "stop avoiding intimacy".  I like her and all, and I’m feeling… dunno, there’s something there but I’m almost afraid of it.  Okay, I am afraid of it.  I also don’t know where I want this to go.

There’s Shawna, who’s into me but who seems really sensitive and I think I’ll end up hurting her.  I’m wondering if I should put a little more energy in it and try to make it more of a stable ongoing thing, or if I should just cut it off now before I really hurt her.

In addition to these gals there are a few others who have been coming in and out on the sides, and I’m really quite enjoying myself lately.  A lot of action has been going on and it’s working out very well for me.

All I know for sure is that I want to avoid ending up in any relationships, and I will do what I need to do in order to stand up for what I believe in.