Mini Breakdown

Last night I went home “sick” from the club after I’d been there for 2 and a half hours and hadn’t made any money. At first I was debating whether or not I should go, but when I got on the phone and started talking to my ex and ended up breaking down in tears I decided it would probably be better for everyone if I just got the fuck out of there.

I fucking hate this feeling of not knowing how much money I’m going home with, and I especially hate the feeling that I may walk out with nothing or just not enough for the bills I need to pay. And now that I went home last night the pressure is on for tonight and tomorrow night to make my rent money. And people wonder why strippers can seem desperate…

All I want is to be self-employed and successful enough that I’m not desperate to pay my bills. The company I’m starting up is starting to take off a bit… Well, it’s hovering, at the very least, which is a start.

I’m so tired of it all. I need a vacation. I need a break to recharge my batteries, but I can’t fucking afford it.