Hey, Americans, You’ve Got One Last Chance

You people as a country have disappointed me sorely over the last two elections (two!  crikey, c’mon now people…), but if you guys vote in the Republican party again, or let them get away with stealing an election again, I’m going to have to give up.  Seriously.  I will lead the group of Canadians fighting to build up a Great Wall of Canada between our countries.

Now, I know you aren’t all bad, and some of you are really sorry about what’s been going on over there for the last little while, but c’mon…

They stole two elections.  Remember that whole recount thing in Florida a few years back?  Blockading of black people on their way to the polls?  Confusing old people so they voted wrong?  And then the "broken" polling stations during the last election?  Hellooooo?

During the first few months into their reign of terror the Bush administration managed to piss off about 5 major countries.  Admittedly I can’t remember all the circumstances, but I very strongly recall the removal of the US from the Kyoto accords.  Fine, kill the planet with global warming, see if I care – I’ll be dead, fuckers.

Then that whole 9/11 thing happened, which kinda made things outta whack, which sucks ass.

Then there was that whole Afghanistan invasion, to get that guy, what was his name?  Saddam?  No, it was Osama bin Laden.  Damn, I guess they were hoping we’d forget about that, eh?  Caught that guy yet?  Nope.  Personally I’m eagerly awaiting the release of his next video.  Top 10 list for sure.

Then that whole invasion of Iraq because they had WMD’s and something to do with 9/11 (oh wait, those were both lies, that’s right…)  The entire world protested – there was a massive global peace protest that drew out record numbers of people.  Millions of people told the US that they were wrong about entering Iraq.  The UN didn’t want to have anything to do with it, and why?  Because the Americans showed these photos of "WMD’s" to the UN, and the UN looked at them and said, "Wait, isn’t that a hospital, not a munitions factory?"

So then the US went in anyways, and didn’t even bother to count Iraqi deaths.  They don’t count, eh?

Meanwhile there’s this whole Guantanamo Bay thing happening as a result of Afghanistan, a setup that’s condemned by Amnesty International and the rest of the world.  A lot of people are watching the hunger strike that’s going on among prisoners there – prisoners who have been there for three years with no charges laid against them and no rights.  And oh yeah, that whole Abu Ghraib thing, bet you forgot about that, eh?

All of this because of a war on "terror" – and so how exactly do you claim victory over a concept?  Where do you get to raise your little American flag on a pole in that war?

Did you know that there was a huge news story here in Canada a while back where Canadians were pissed off about the fact that Americans are now sewing Canadian flags on their backpacks when they go travelling – you can buy a little "I’m Canadian" kit online from an American supplier.

We’re also pissed because you’ve been conducting business illegally with our softwood lumber – an issue that has received a ton of coverage on our news, but I’ll bet your media didn’t even mention the fact that Canadians are at the point where we’re planning to place tariffs on American products in Canada.

And did you hear the latest?  Canada’s biggest legalize marijuana activist, Marc Emery (one of my personal heroes), was busted by the DEA and FBI and could potentially be extradited to the US and tried there on charges of trafficking.  I hope he wins his case here and doesn’t get extradited, because the whole thing is bullshit.  The Canadian government knew he was dealing, and even referred people to him, and he operated just down the street from the police station here in Vancouver for about 10 years.  There’s no way he should be extradited.

But maybe you’re not looking at these things now, maybe you’re all watching Hurricane Katrina’s effects, and Hurricane Rita coming your way.  That’s understandable – there’s a lot of suffering there.  Suffering even your own country didn’t know about: poverty, racism, lack of funding, lack of leadership, a strain put on your country’s safety due to the war for oil in Iraq.  The rest of the world didn’t see the suffering either, but we do now.  Those pictures are being seen worldwide, and everyone is realizing where the US really is in the grander scheme of things, and it’s not as great of a place as you all think you’re in.

And when the bully of the world is exposed as actually being weak and in a poor position, what do you think the rest of the pissed off world is going to do?  We are going to laaaaaaauuuuuugh….

And if you don’t vote better next time, or fight for your rights (you know those things that you have that let you do whatever you want – like own guns that you bought at K-Mart) you will have fallen to the lowest low that America has ever been at.  And I don’t know why you seem so intent on doing that.