Perception Is Reality

That’s the phrase my Business instructor wrote on the board in class a couple of months ago and asked us if we agreed or disagreed with it.  Half the class agreed, half disagreed, and I was on the agreement side.  I still am, only now more than ever.

I had a busy weekend with Pride going on here, with the Dyke March on Saturday and the Pride Parade on Sunday.  I went out both nights.  On Saturday I hit a couple of parties and then the club, and was an odd evening for me because I stayed mostly sober through the night and because I hung out with one of the drag kings I hit it off with after the Dyke March.  Sunday took me to the parade, then home for my nephew’s 1st birthday and then downtown and out clubbing again.  I did some drugs, which was probably not a great idea in retrospect, because I’d had experience with this batch before and I know that it knocks me on my ass for a bit while it’s kicking in.  I had to go chill for a bit, but I was up front and centre for the drag king show.  I went home pretty much right after the show and crashed.

So, all in all a very busy weekend.

I spent today doing nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  Surfed the internet for a long while, ate some food, cleaned my room… Yep, that’s pretty much it.  But then I sat down to write in my personal diary, and I ended up going back and re-reading some of the entries from the last month or so, and I was completely thrown off.  Suddenly it hit me how everyone else perceives me.  I can’t put it into words well, but somehow it suddenly struck me just how odd I must seem, and how my actions differ from my now shattered perception of myself.  It hit me that the way I was perceiving myself was completely different from how other people do.

I don’t know how long I’ve been doing it, but for a very long time I’ve gone through life without giving a shit at all about how people perceive me.  I have done whatever I’ve wanted to do without thinking about how anyone else would see it, and although people may think that’s a great thing it’s probably not quite as great as you would think it would be if you’re having problems understanding why some people can’t relate to you, or why you shock certain people and not others.

It’s just been one of those epiphanies I’m having about growing up.  And it came just days after my 21st birthday, which is pretty cool.  And also on the downslide from Pride, which is also good timing.

Each person’s perception is their own reality, that was the arguement that I made during the class debate and it’s funny that I said it in class but somehow I didn’t apply it to my own life.