12/11/2012

i’m sick today, so naturally i’m sitting on alan’s couch watching movies and drinking gatorade and listening to taylor swift. i freaking love taylor swift.

i was so sick last night. alan was sick sunday and monday and i was mean to him about it because it interfered with our plans for sunday (yes, i know how awful this is). but last night around eleven i started feeling super crappy. it escalated quickly and alan, who has never even heard me fart, was left standing at the bathroom door while i vomited and tried to get control of my stomach all at one time. it was so, so terrible. i feel a little better today but my stomach just feels angry. it’s like, "hurry and feed me something so i can expel it as quickly as possible!"

but alan is wonderful because he’s actually taking care of me even though i was such a bitch on sunday. i mean SUCH A BITCH.

i have no idea why i do that. alan is so perfect. i don’t know why i have to push and create problems. he’s not going anywhere. after we fought sunday night, he sent me a facebook message (haha) from his room about how he loves me unconditionally and wholly. he does and i wish i could accept it. i wish i could get a grip.

in other news, heath popped back into the picture, sort of. he sent me a text saying he was out of town and his mom was his emergency contact and he’d be back the 17th. apparently he’s in thailand because he’s always wanted to go there (except he never mentioned this). i don’t care and i didn’t care when he sent me pictures of his journey on the way there. i’m sure he’ll send me tons of pictures and he’ll want to get together because he’s so different after this life changing experience, but seriously. heath is a joke.

i’m not moving. i realized that if i was moving because i wanted to finish school, i could just as easily stay here and finish. if i’m that serious, it doesn’t take a move across the country to finish something that i could take care of here. i’ve saved a lot of money. more money than i ever thought i could. i found a place here in a part of town that’s a little sketch but it’s about to turn and i want to be in the best part of the city when that happens. i’m going to move in with alan, but the place is cheap enough for me to afford. almost as soon as i made the decision to stay, i felt like maybe it wasn’t the right choice but i think i would’ve had that feeling either way. the point here is i need to finish school and i’m contemplating classes and summer classes and it’s all sort of scary in the way that most things that require commitment scare me these days, but i’ll work through it.

i hate being an adult.