12/04/2012

i’m finally working out again. it’s only been this week and last week, but i’m feeling much better. less stressed, more flexible. you know the deal.

i still have a lot of muscle though. it’s one of my favorite things about waiting tables. i have more arm muscles than i’ve ever had. it’s from lifting huge plates. literally huge plates with huge portions of food on them. welcome to texas.

things with alan are better. it took a lot of communication and some compromising, but that’s what it’s about, right? i don’t think he intended to hurt me at all. i think i’m a little too sensitive sometimes and my lack of confidence doesn’t really help in matters like this. there’s only one thing that concerns me. alan has always told me i’m exactly what he wants. he worries because he thinks i’m physically out of his league. but if i’m everything he’s ever wanted, why is he looking for more? why can’t he be satisfied?

i asked and he told me it’s because he’s greedy and selfish and he can be, and i guess i’ll deal with all of that as it comes.

i paid my last month of rent at the apartment. it’s weird how things change. this time last year i was looking for a place with eric. things blew up with eric last week. one of the girls from work who is in an abusive relationship is staying at my apartment until i have to move out. i’m never there and she has a six year old. i told eric and he lost his shit. the only reason i told him was because his name is on the lease and i figured he had a right to know. he was so angry and i told him if he had such a problem, he could pay for the month of december and pick up the electricity bill. i told him i had no problem moving out and he should be a little bit more thankful i didn’t fuck him over on the lease or the bills. everything was in his name. i could’ve moved out without any problem. he called me a liar and a cheating whore and told me i caused him a massive amount of emotional damage. he told me i was a terrible person.

i’m not a terrible person. if eric has a large amount of emotional damage because i expected him to DO SOMETHING, i don’t really have a lot to say about that. welcome to the real world where you have to have a job. you have to do stuff. i never cheated on eric and it bothers me that he tells everyone i did. either way, i am so happy to finally be finished with the apartment.

i have about $2,000 to save over the next two months but it’ll be fairly easy, i think. i don’t have other bills to pay until i start having a car payment at the end of the month.

this is sort of a bullshit entry. sorry.