08/22/2011

we’re completely tangled up in bed at 3 am last night and i’m half asleep and eric says, "will you be my girlfriend? i want you to be my girlfriend." and my eyes fly open and i’m smiling huge.

it’s been since joe that someone has actually asked me to be with him. i love that. the boundaries are set and i know what’s up.

we drove up to san marcos today and hung out at the river and played frisbee. on the way home we stopped and eric bought shoes and we played frisbee with my dad when we got back in town.

there’s so much kissing and touching and staring that i don’t even know what to do with myself. there’s waking up next to eric, who is easily the best looking guy i have ever dated, and laughing so much that my stomach hurts. there’s the way we’re walking from the river and he’s whistling at me and saying "pretty girl" as he pulls me to him for a kiss.

yes yes yes.

i am so into his eyes, his lips, the way his hands feel, the sound of his voice, the singing in the car, the ease of it all. it’s being in the car last night and he’s asking about my family and how i feel about it all and i let it out piece by piece, explain the big parts of and he nods and it feels good to open up a little bit. it doesn’t have to happen in one sitting. it’s him insisting i try his barbeque sandwich, the way he watched me get dressed, the way he looks from a distance with his sunglasses and the pang i feel in my stomach when i think that he’s with me.

he’s tall. 6’3 and well built and he has these gorgeous blue green eyes and light hair that reminds me of my dad’s. my dad has great hair and it sounds weird, but i’ve never met a guy with hair like my dad’s.

it’s having the most awkward sex ever because i elbow him hard in the face and accidentally knee him in the balls and i’m so embarrassed but we’re laughing so hard with me on top of him that we can’t even have sex but we’re still trying.

i have waited so long for this. i’ve pushed and bent myself into unrecognizable shapes. i’ve settled for less than i deserve. i know it’s only been a little bit over a week but i feel it. i know. i haven’t felt this comfort, this goofiness, this safety, since joe.

and i deserve it.