08/16/2011

i think things are going somewhere with eric. i’ve seen him every day since we met last wednesday. i don’t want to jinx it so i’ll do it bullet style, mostly so i don’t forget.

•  i met his family and two dogs last night. we hung out in his kitchen and talked with his brother (ryan, 18), ryan’s girlfriend (mattie, 17) and his sister (carlee, 13). his parents are cool, too.
• around 1:30 i made a move to leave and eric was like, "nope, you’re not leaving. can’t let you leave." as he pushed me down on the bed. yes, it’s weird staying at his parents’ house, but it also reminds me of a home, you know? he shares a room with his brother and it all screams "childhood" and i love it. obviously his brother wasn’t in the room while we were making out.
• we haven’t had sex. i’m so proud of myself. things got a little hot and heavy last night and after, in the kitchen, he held me and massaged my shoulders. it was mostly just him holding me like that, my back to him. it was so comforting and i felt safe. by this time it was 5 am and i was like, "should i go? it’s already five." he meets my eyes and tells me to stay. not, "it’s up to you", but "stay."
• we laugh a TON. we finally made it to bed last night and he kisses my nose, gives me an eskimo kiss, kisses my dimples, my forehead, my lips and finally says, "i have so much fun with you." followed by a few more kisses.
• he gave me a raspberry on my stomach. it was loud and hilarious and so cute.
• when we woke up this morning he continued to pull me to him, wrap himself completely around me, kiss me, and every time i tried to leave he’d pull me back.

i haven’t felt like this since joe. this comfort. i haven’t watched a movie curled up next to someone’s body like that since joe. the ease of it all in every aspect. i haven’t had bad feelings even when he told me about this girl. i appreciate his honesty. saturday night he tells me, "you’re the only person i’ve been completely honest with about the erin situation. i don’t know why i told you everything, but i felt like i could."

i’m ready to date. i’m ready for this. i won’t pull at it. i’ll let it do this for a while and after school starts i’ll make a decision as to ask questions. he knows i’m nervous about it. he’s been so gentle, so affectionate, it’s been an awesome week. i feel like i could talk to him and he’d get it, you know?

either way, i win. this initial release of feelings, this idea that i want this, soothes me. it reminds me even after the heaths and the toms and the eddies, i still want love and interaction.