08/11/2011

i don’t know how to start this entry. normally i have a general idea of what needs to happen but i drank too much last night and i’m reaching for ideas that aren’t completely together yet.

megan and i are becoming really good friends. it’s been so long since i’ve had a best girl friend. yeah, there was michelle and patty but that wasn’t best friends. that was living with someone and knowing someone in the way that you know someone when you live with them. there’s an ease in conversing with them but you don’t really connect. i have so much fun with megan and we make terrible choices like mixing beer and wine and liquid cocaine shots and we gossip and complain about our thighs and laugh hysterically at everything. it’s been over five years i’ve had something like this. we’re about to be inseparable and i’m so, so excited. i haven’t had a circle of friends like this in a long time, either. i think it happened for a reason, i think everything happens for a reason, and i didn’t really know how to have friends for a while. maybe i wasn’t ready.

outside of going to missouri, i don’t necessarily think things with conor are going to work. i haven’t seen him since monday when we moved. he’s played some shows but he hasn’t invited me personally, though there’s been a general invite. if his shows aren’t at bars i usually go to, i wish he’d invite me. he’s playing tomorrow at hofbrau and i’ll be there because that’s my friday night bar, but yeah. he has a big ego and talks almost constantly about himself and his music. i don’t mind…but i like two way conversations. when i first started dating luke he was like this and i told him one day and he became much more attentive. i’m not going to tell conor. for so long i’ve tried to mold people, to bend them into what i’ve wanted and i don’t know if i’m too lazy or jaded or what, but i’m not going to mention anything.

this has been the best summer ever.

boys keep flying in out of nowhere. i was at salud listening to my friend spin last night and this GORGEOUS kid walked in. tall, polo shirt, blonde, eric. i mean, completely my blonde type even though i don’t like blondes…or polo shirts but still. so he introduces himself to me and i tell him he totally looks like an eric because he does and the entire time he’s still holding my hand from the initial handshake (i knew it was on after that) we talk a lot and i’m paying my tab (which the bartender picked up!) and he comes up behind me and dances with me and we’re off to the next bar and eric and i are two stepping and jamming to aerosmith. and then we’re making out?! and he’s the best first kiss i’ve ever had. then corbin drags us to jim’s for breakfast and we’re kissing and eating biscuits and gravy and he’s driving us to his place but we make out in his car to cold war kids and i’m climbing over the seat to kiss him and then we get out and make out on his porch swing and that’s it. i head home and crawl into bed and get a text from corbin that says, "you’re really bad in the best ways possible." because he only remembers me from high school and i was pretty timid.

i don’t know. i’m not sure eric will contact me and i’m okay with that.

i’m seeing cameron in two days and i can’t believe it because i honestly thought i’d never see him again.

whew! so much going on!