4 Short Stories and 1 Hypothetical

Not short stories in the sense of O. Henry or other gems packed into those literary anthologies you had to get for college courses (I’ve kept mine voluntarily). More like four stories that are short.

Story Number One: On Saturday I went to the Renaissance Festival with Bobby, Carly, and Matt. I decided not to dress up in my garb because then Bobby would be the only one in Danes (mmm…Dane Cook). We saw a man named Saffron Finch make a sandwich with his feet. Seriously! He washed his feet (with his feet), and made a sandwich complete with bologna (with that weird skin part removed…with his feet), lettuce, mayo (which he delicately applied with a knife), mustard, and then pickles (which he plunged his hairy foot into a big pickle jar to retrieve said pickle). Then a girl named Megan (not me) ate it.

Story Number Two: Also at the Renaissance Festival, we were walking around and a bee flew into my eye. I was wearing sunglasses and it flew up under them and was walking around on my eyelashes! Oddly enough, I calmly told everyone to look at what was happening and then allowed it to fly away.

Hypothetical Story Number Two: Had that bee been a spider…I was walking around the Renaissance Festival and a spider somehow got into my eye. I ripped my sunglasses off, threw them at the nearest person, and dug my eyeball out in an attempt to get the spider out of my eye. Unfortunately, I removed my eye from its socket, which allowed the spider access to my skull. I promptly died from a heart attack.

Story Number Three: After the Renaissance Festival Bobby and I decided to go out to eat. We pulled into the parking lot of Quaker Steak & Lube (I got over my aversion to eating somewhere with the word "Lube" in its title) and I noticed the car in front of us was a black Bonneville. Every time I see a black Bonneville I worry that it’s Ken’s car. This car also had the first three letters of his license plate (DYA) and clutter in the backseat. Great. I told Bobby that there was a possibility that Ken might be there and he asked if I wanted to eat somewhere else. I decided that I wasn’t going to let the possibility of Ken being there ruin my dinner. As it would happen, Ken was sitting at the bar (by himself, ha!) watching the Ohio State football game (???…He’s a Michigan fan…???). The waitress sat us in direct view of the bar, but I had my back to him. I got very shaky and angry and couldn’t eat at first. I went to the bathroom and on my way back I saw him lean back in his barstool, take his baseball hat off, and run his fingers through his hair…or rather what’s left of it! Seeing that he’s starting to show his age and knowing that I had a sweet, considerate, and handsome young man back at my table made me feel better and I had some fried pickles. He must have noticed me at some point because when we left he wasn’t at the bar anymore, but his car was still there.

Story Number Four: On the way to our friend Bekah’s house after dinner on Saturday, Bobby and I saw a white Mustang on I-75 North. It was traveling in the slow lane in front of us. Just as Bobby decided to change lanes to get around it, we both witnessed its hood fly up! The driver had to swerve to the side of the road and almost caused a huge wreck, but I’m pretty sure he got to the side safely. It was one of the most randomly startling things we’d ever seen!

The end.