saterday
hello again 🙂
is there a way that i can talk to you with a blanket over my head??
ready? here we go!
aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh mmmmmmmmmmmmm
nice and soft too!
I don’t have to see your face so my heart calms a bit.
I have not spoken to my best friend in 3 months. She had a baby …..I never went to go see him, I never called. I feel bad about not calling and because of that, i never called!
I read books … and sometimes the lessons it is trying to make me understand, I get to practice them that same night…its like learning to play with a new gun…you have to hold it, see how heavy it is. See how it holds relative to you body before you even begin to shoot. I have never shot a gun before. When I was a young girl, I knew how to shoot a bb gun very well. A real gun. Never.
Nothing is certain? Not for me 🙂 I have a wonderful job!!!
I am a fool and the laws and I collide enough to make me a criminal.
Eddy and I are over. This time forever!!!
I am happy about it. He gave me so much! He was my father and both of us knew it. My real father does not exist in the fashion I would hope he would. So Eddy existed. But in the only fasjhion that I could fathom, so there is no suprise that it hurt a bit itself…. 🙂
nothing bad, but I would feel little needles poking at my heart. I would jump only to fall. clothes that does not fit .
Or maybe I outgrew them?
I am in trouble, I am going through "tough times" and it will continue for a while. My license was suspended. I have to go to court…foir driving on a suspended license…misdeamanor 🙂
lol, i laugh at how this comes about! I still wanted to drive even after that. Because I need to get to work, but my good friend talked to me enough to pay attention. I was too focused on how this was not fair, how I was in the wrong BECAUSE!!!! I !!!! CAN"T!!!! PAY THE FEE"S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
illegal me!
catch 21….. need to get to work to raise money to clear my name…..
need to get to work…but how?!
poor eddy, has to give me rides…I catch a bus to get to his house…not all the way….
he picks me up and gives me a ride to work….my job is 3 streets down and some 7 blocks away from his.
He despises his solitude. he does NOT want to see me…
I stay with my mother on thursdays and sundays so she can drive me on monday and friday mornings….that way eddy only has to see me tues..wed…and thurs…
still too much i am sure.
i feel like a freak. Looking back on my depression. 🙂
it makes me want to punch people. Everyone who dared to smirk. I want to punch them because I know they will joke about it. That they will never understand it.
I do not like people much 🙂
My age, my generation. The good souls marry and seperate themselves from the mass of sheep that roam the streets. These girls who have no respect for themselves…attention whores using thier body..and then that is not enough, they use thier naked body.
No i cannot relate to you………
hmmmm
all my issues get shown to me….
i am looking for the strength to overcome them
like above… me complaining about those who do not understand my destructuve sadness…and then like nothing i turn around to talk badly of another extreme that I cannot relate too.
I made a new friend 🙂
a GIRL! at that. She is older and likes to dance and drinks a lot ha ha ha.
She is like little kid …if I say my fantasies aloud, it turns out that she was thinking something simaler but never thought to give it credit. Or did she?? Who knows.
She is full of energy. She is my mirror. Sometimes I want to be jealous of her. But then I see that she does exactly what i do and that she means no harm!
It is really like looking at myself/ She gives me lessons by just being around.