random thought

There is so much I want to say!  I hear a song, I see a treasure.  When I love you…

One night Eddy and I were driving home.  I love music.  I love to dance.  I love the energy around me and the life that radiates through all the forms in which we reflect beauty from ourselves.  I am a magnet when I walk with joy inside of me.  I have my own original sin past down to me.  I was born with guilt. Guilt over my own innocence.  I used to get lost in the rustle of leaves walking home from my senior year in highschool.  I never really knew what evils lurk, what dark thoughts polute society.  (sorry i dont make much sense have patience with me)
I walk into a crowded room and I want to dissapear.  If I recieve an obscene offer, too much attention, I feel an instant pang of guilt.  I feel disgusting and perverted.  I feel instant shame and then a part of me wakes up just to yell that I wanted it this way.  lol
When I am most myself, when I close my eyes and can force myself to feel all alone….I dance, I smile, I laugh.  I move, I sing.  We went to go watch a band I think and I had a good time  I always do when I let myelf relax.  One of these days, maybe next  semester I will get more serious about ballet and jazz dance. 
Anywho.  I’ve always been called a hippie, not so much the slow part….because this is on going since I was maybe 9.  People were just suprised to see my hazy realities I guess?
No, it is energy.  There is no denying it. I am charming sometimes.
Charming and beautiful like those innocent childs of peace.
Eddy and I came up with a twisted path to put it in budhist perspective heh heh.
What if I was an innocent beautiful creature.  No shame, only life.  Maybe.  What if I died a tragic death, rape, destruction, my life stolen?
I have always had dreams of being killed very violently by a man.  Since I was 12.  Do not ask how it started.  There really is no reason.  So violent though!  Usually it is a stalker gone mad.  I’m glad that I am almost out of the age of my fantasies!  (as in how old I am in them) 
So!
They are very common dreams, they are very common day dreams.
🙂
One day Eddy and I were driving home and we came up with my former life of this dancing pixie from the 60s.
the end 😛