9/30/05

sad all day
the food i put to my lips
still tastes like cardboard
it bothers me that the rain does not come
because i already see the mud on the sidewalks and the brown skies
i want to buy magic markers
at times to write beautiful words on the mirrors
flowers and clouds
at times to blacken out where my face should go
routine is like a rusty track
my wheels rufuse to budge
i sit down defeated
many times
all day
no life inside of me(?)

i sprinkle premonitions
gray colored delicate things
one begins to bloom!
and insane i go
delight?
no
but oh my GOD!!! i feel alive at last!
my heart is pounding, my hands are shaking
this is life!
this is love
oh my god this is be being human, having flesh on my skin
FEELING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!