Time

not time to do anything…

just time going too fast.

Hell, contacts are drying up. Gonna go take them out… ahhh that’s better.

Recently, I’ve spent alot of time looking at photographs of the last few years. Time seems to be racing ahead…

See, it’s only the other day I was 16. And only the other day I was starting Uni. And only the other day I moved to London and now I don’t live there any more.

Wow. Seven years.

it’s been 6 years since I started wearing contact lenses. The glasses I’m wearing now I got in 1999.

I often think how quickly people around me will come and go. The people who seem to have such an influence on my daily life right now will not even remember me in 5 years time.

I’ll remember then though. I rarely forget people, though their names drift off.

People… people. Too many of them and no-one talks. Not in London anyway. Hence why I moved out.. I actually had a conversation with SOMEONE I DIDN’T KNOW AND THEY WEREN’T POLISH in Letchworth. Wow. That hasn’t happened since I moved away. And also, please stop wearing suits!! You look like prats. I am SO glad that I wear Dunlops to work and I’m not boring like you. Monochrome cutouts. Grr.

Lauren and I have found this cool 2nd hand book shop here and I’ve picked up a book called Stardust (nothing to do with the film though). It talks about something I say alot (more so when drunk) that we’re all the product of stars, which is true. Where else did we come from? No, not God. Don’t be silly. (If you are now getting irate, go and play somewhere else. Preferably with a plug socket. You cause Problems. And don’t note this either!!) Anyway, I’m sufficiently far enough away from my degree to actually read and understand it. You know that thing where you have to learn something and suddenly your brain turns into a hard block of concrete that can only play Tetris? Well, that’s gone now and I can understand and define such things as Panspermia and such. I’m rather impressed with myself. Smug, almost.

Had nightmares all last night. Kept on dreaming of a creature catching me in it’s talons and trying to kill me in a wood (‘ha!’ says the God Squad, ‘that would be Hell’s demons!’ OK, one, Hell is a Greek thought excercise that was adopted into religion and two, why are you still reading?). Not sure why I was having nightmares, though I have been a little ill at ease with myself lately. I think it’s due to the new place but I’m getting used to it now. It’s weird to be living alone, even though Lauren has been spending alot of time here.

I fancy doing a survey… can’t think of another random direction to take.

Before I do though, final note on religion. I do actually agree with Jesus. Sensible bloke. People that REALLY agree with him though should also go play with plug sockets.

So, a totally random survey. Haven’t even read through this. Wheeee….

1. Do you smoke mary-jane?
I can fall asleep without it thanks.

2. Have you kissed somebody in the last 2 weeks?
Yes.

3. Who’s the last person that came to your house?
Lauren

4. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
City Workers.

5. What is the last thing that you drank?
H2O…ok, maybe that book is getting to me a bit.

6. What time did you get up today?
6:18… I remember…

7. Elvis or James Dean?
You expect me to CHOOSE?

8. Who is one person you can’t stand from grade school?
Brad… he, like, was, so… Grade School. I take it you mean comp? Rhiannon Watson

9. What grade did you get in Algebra?
GCSE – B. Gave up while the going was good

10. Who did you kiss last?
Lauren

11. Is there anyone you would like to fight?
Nah, it’s not one sided enough.

12. Do you like someone right now?
*waves at lauren*

13. What are you doing right now?
Hangliding. No, really. I am. Right now.

14. What were you doing before this survey?
Extreme Sports.

15. Who did you dance with last?
Lauren.

16. Who is your best friend(s)?
Tom, Helen, Jo, Shell, Mike

17. Song playing?
Placebo – Come Home

18. If you could have one wish:
i’d wish for an infinite amount of wishes. ((: <- that was the last person’s answer. See, if I was in the wishes industry, that would be top of the small print. So My Wish ™ would be for there to not be any small print for wishes, which would allow for unlimited wishes. Then I’d wreck havoc. Heh.

19. What color are your underwear?
White today… :S

20. Do you know what tofu is?
Bean crud. I mean what I say.

21. Have you ever eaten it?
Did the Pope in 1939 stand against Hitler?

22. Do you know what a colonoscopy is?
Gulp.

23. Have you ever had one?
No.

24. Do you want to go back to high school?
Yes/No. Depending on how whiny I feel.

25. Who is your arch-enemy?
Ming the Merciless. Failing that, Russell Brand.

26. Whats the most attractive thing on the opposite sex?
Embittered cynacism.

27. Do you or have you ever read Cosmo?
Yes… in disbelief.

28. Have you ever watched the Britney Spears movie "Crossroads"?
Jesus, no.

29. Do you listen to Lindsay Lohan?
What? She has a voice? Hell, I wasn’t listening to her… I was mentally undressing her.

30. What do you think of Paris Hilton?
Umm, I don’t know her. I do, however, know how PR works. Her PR company should all be murdered in their beds for forcing ‘Paris Hilton’ upon a stupid world.

31. What do you think of Justin Timberlake?
Again, I don’t know him. However, i will debate on how much ‘sexy’ he ‘brought back’. From where? Spain? Along with a fake Rolex and 400 Rothmans?

32. Britney or Christina?
Christina. If there were a choice. But only cos I kinda liked that song Candy Man.

33. Do you want platinum or gold for your wedding band?
It’s a RING. And platinum please.

34. Have you ever paid to have your eyebrows waxed?
No. I have a gi

rlfriend to attack me and do that for free. Plus she enjoys seeing me wince.

35. What did you do yesterday?
Cleaned and sat on the sofa ALL DAY (apart from when I was cleaning).

36. Are you bored right now?
Nope.

37. Have you ever flashed someone?
In what way? With a 10" exposure..? Oh… I see…

38. How many children do you want to have?
As many as I’m allowed. Hmm… something not wholesome about that answer.

39. Who did you ride in a car with last?
Dad.

40. Republican or Democrat?
Two sides of the same coin surely? Go A-Way, U-S-A.  

41. What’s the oldest that a man can be and still be sexy?
Sean Connery will answer that…

42. Do you think that the tobacco companies should pay for people’s medical bills?
*the answer here was deleted on Jordan’s common sense advice from his brain in case Lauren reads*

43. What scares you the most?
Vernon Kaye.

44. What makes you happy?
A diverse range of stuff.

45. If you could have one person in your bed tonight, who would it be?
jon bon jovi <- the last person’s answer. Freak. What is WRONG with you? Bless, Bon Jovi shouldn’t be blamed for student nights everywhere where the DJ ALWAYS fades that bit where it goes ‘living on a pray-er’ and a couple of hundred drunken students and pervy old men mumble ‘luvvvin onn aa staaaiiiiirrrrr’, while holding their neon-flavoured drinks in the air. Next up, the Fucking Proclaimers with 1000 Miles. Yawn. Every time I’ve requested The Whispers – And The Beat Goes On, i get turned down. Student night DJs are gay. They then move on to play shit like 50 Cent or whatever, sampling SuperTramp or whatever. Hold up, sampling isn’t being creative, it’s theft. Ooh, Nancy Boy has just come on. 

There was a question wasn’t there? Oh yeah, umm, Lauren

I’m up for another one… oh here we go. Here it comes…

Sex
Have you ever made out with the opposite sex?:
why, yes…

The same sex?:
Yes

Someone you weren’t in a relationship with?:
Yes

Have you done anything that qualifies as ‘almost sex’?:
Like what, a nice meal? That’s almost sex. Stuff going inside you n eveything.  

Have you lost your virginity?:
‘Yes but I still have the box it came in’

To both genders?:
nope

Had sex in a public place?:
Like…? define.

Have you cheated on someone?:
Nope.

Been cheated on?:
Yeees.

Looked at/bought/DL’d/watched porn?:
That reminds me…

Do you take birth control/carry condoms around?:
I like the term ‘birth control’. I keep on thinking of men and women, in a darkened room, huddled over radar screens, watching blips going towards the egg and diverting them away.

TOTAL SO FAR:  Totals? What? Am I supposed to win at this?

Drugs
Have you smoked cigarettes more than once?:
Yeah, all while drunk.

Used weed or other natural substances, like shrooms or salvia?:
Drugs are BAD.

Used hard drugs?:
Nah, crap when they go stale.

Used needle drugs or inhalants?:
Coke is for morons… really. Dave Grohl put it nicely ‘coke users are like vultures’. Shit, half of my company is on coke.

Used prescription pills to get high?:
Why? Come on. You must be one seriously boring person if you have to use something to enlighten yourself.

Bought drugs?:
Oh bog off.

Sold drugs?:
haha, yup!

Introduced someone else to their first drug?:
‘Hello, this is Heroin.’ ‘hello, what do you do?’ ‘Er… Jeez. Well, I was described by the Dandy Warhols as passé so I’m kinda still getting over that,’ ‘Bastards,’ ‘Nah, they’re just bohemian like you…’ ‘Hahaha, good one!’ ‘heh, I’m here all week!’
It’s always Christmas in my head. Onwards!

Overdosed?:
*yawn* bored now.

Been in rehab or in trouble with the law for drugs?:
*snore*

TOTAL SO FAR: 1,678,000. I rule.

And…Rock N’ Roll
Do you listen to hard rock, metal, punk, grunge or hardcore gangster rap?:
Shit, how do you score here? Yes, maybe… all of the above, maybe not, depends how I feel… yawn… onwards!

Have you been to a real rock/metal/punk concert?:
As opposed to a fake one? Like ELO does the songs of Anthrax or something?

Have you moshed, headbanged, or slam-danced, or do you often?:
Slam-danced? Wow. I must learn!

Are you or have you been in a rock/metal/punk band?:
Yes, I too was 15 once.

Have you had complaints from neighbours for loud music?:
Ha, condsidering how loud I play my guitar sometimes I’m surprised not.

Do you rave, or have you been to one?:
Madly.

Does your music typically contain screaming or lots of profanity?:
Like…? Coldplay is full of profanity to my ears.

Does your music typically talk about anarchy, crime, suicide or drugs?:
Jeez, happy bunch. I listen to whatever takes my fancy. And I bet it can be alot darker than your teenage pseudo angst. Argh, yank teens are all mad. In fact, all teens are pretty insane. I was.

TOTAL SO FAR: 19,909,009,088,0980980347564.98 – go me.

Smashed
Have you drank hard alcohol?:
No, I had to wait for it to defrost.

Do you drink often?:
When the boss is paying.

Have you taken shots?:
At…?

Have you thrown up from drinking?:
Who hasn’t?

Have you passed out?:
Who hasn’t ‘fallen asleep’?

Have you played drinking games?:
Yes. Can’t think of a witty answer to this one.

Was your first real drink before the age of 15?:
<st

rong>yes. 14 and a half.

Have you woken up not remembering the night before?:
Uhh, maybe. I don’t know. I can’t remember…

Have you done anything sexual while drunk that you wouldn’t have sober?:
Moving on…

Have you ever paid a stranger to buy you booze?:
What? Like ‘get me Fosters and I’ll give you a cut?’ ‘You moron, you must be underage. Fosters is shite. Fuck off’ ‘Ok, tennants,’ ‘don’t make me laugh’ ‘Christ! I’m running out of options here! Bud?’ *thump, crunch*

TOTAL SO FAR: 250,785,585,9595,033,37383.9078675676 – almost up to a City Worker’s bonus.

Five-Finger Discounts & Mailbox Baseball
Have you shoplifted?:
Obvious witty answer. Move on.

Have you gone joyriding or broken into someone’s house?:
Me and my screwdrivers get EVERYWHERE.

Used a fake ID?:
For…?

Have you done real graffiti (other than bathroom stall notes)?:
Yo, me an’ my bredrin tag up da trainz, fo’ shiznit.

Any other kind of vandalism, like mailbox baseball or breaking a window?:
Verbal vandalism…? No? Ok…

Been naked or drunk (or both at once) in public?:
Good Lord.

Are you/have you been in a street gang?:
Who’s tha bully for me? Oi!

Packed a weapon?:
‘packed a weapon’? Yeah, I work in a Russian arms depot. Have I carried a gun or a knife? I think not.

Caused a fire, car accident, or other dangerous situation?:
Ooh, a dangerous situation! Yes, I left my train seat the other day in front of TWO PEOPLE STANDING. It wasn’t pretty…

Ever been arrested?:
Not yet.

TOTAL SO FAR: 27,90909,-8045ut76y987y93gh35y35ljh5iuyhjblekrhbnerljhojhlk….weeeeeeeee

A Disruption to Other Students
Have you failed a class?:
Nope

Been suspended?:
Nope

Been expelled?:
Nope

Cut class?:
no. Glass? yes.

Cussed out a teacher, humiliated/pranked them, or vandalised their stuff?:
‘Dude… I TOTALLY CUSSED HER OUT.’ ‘You swore at her?’ ‘Yeah, DUDE.’ ‘Moron yank. Thank God you’re getting drafted next week’.

Stolen from someone’s locker, or put something nasty in it?:
Bored with this US-Centric crap now.

Held or participated in a protest at school?:
Of course not, nothing proper; you’re Yanks. You would, however, protest when they change the flavour of Coke. Cos that’s Earth shattering.

Got into a fight at school?:
Who hasn’t?

Done drugs at school?:
What is it with you and drugs?!?!

Deliberately offended or humiliated the principal?:
All the time. I’m doing it now as it happens!

TOTAL SO FAR: 287u7y0y57y857y53uy53uyoi3jhlehbefbhfkbebhekfbannanabtomatocucumber.

Amateur Jackass
Ever skinnydipped?:
no.

Set something large on fire?:
yes.

Stapled yourself?:
Yes, I do this alot…. really…

Jumped into water with all your clothes on?:
Fell…

Played a well-planned, huge, public practical joke on someone?:
Fed someone laxative chocolate once 

Ridden or raced in shopping carts?:
Yes

Streaked?:
No.

Danced on a table Coyote Ugly style?:
No…

Stayed up for two or more nights in a row on purpose?:
no.

Set off illegal fireworks?:
like TNT/Plutonium-238?

Made mass amounts of prank calls at once?:
yes.

TOTAL SO FAR: 3.1415927…

Find your score:
0% – 10%: Impossible. I’m surprised you’re even old enough to read this.
11% – 20%: Pretty damn innocent. I say you need more internet exposure.
21%-30% Pretty sheltered. You go to church, right?
31% – 40%: OK, this is acceptable – you might still be young. Go party.
41% – 50%: You’ve played it a little safe, but still have a lot of fun.
51% – 60% – There we go, you’re the average rebellious teen.
61% – 70%: You can party. Either that, or you just have lots of problems.
71% – 80%: You’re experienced in the art of rebelling, that’s for sure.
81% – 90%: Damn, you might actually wanna slow down…
91% – 100%: How on earth are you still alive? You’ve actually done it all
3.1415927 – you make stuff up. Go to bed.