10/17/2012

I wonder if some guys get freaked out at the idea of a relationship because they automatically think the girl starts thinking about a possible family. Like, oh we’ve been dating for a while now, what would our kids look like?

I’m sure that probably scares them. And I think that’s Andy’s problem. It’s the only real reason why I can think he would bounce around like this.

The thing is though, I never, ever think of relationships in that capacity. Are you kidding me? I can’t fathom even thinking about starting a family. I really just want…. a partner in crime, for lack of a better term.

Actually, no, that’s the perfect term for it.

I really just miss having someone to always be there, like the same things that I like, waste time doing the same things I like to waste time doing, joke about the same things I joke about, and laugh at the same things that I laugh at. Andy is all of these things, plus some.
But, at the same time I suppose I should be honest because it’s not just Andy. I have this terrible tendency to snap shut whenever I’m around guys that I like. I just sort of shut down. So I sit there thinking how wonderful and funny and brilliant he is, but I don’t know how to say it. I need to find a way to open up and be comfortable.

The apathy was working before, but that sort of fell apart after last weekend. I need to get back into tricking myself into apathy again.

IN OTHER NEWS!

I’m two pounds away from my ideal weight. I’m consistently weighing in at 127. YAY! Just a little longer and a little more toning and eating right and I’ll be good. I was getting so frustrated with how slowly it was progressing, but it’s been worth it and I’m feeling better all the time.

I’ve stopped over eating. The vegetarianism works really well, but only if you don’t overeat, which is what I was doing. I lost a good bit of weight right off, but I was still eating a lot and drinking a lot of soda and beer. Now I’m careful about how much I eat, I don’t drink soda any more and I limit beer intake to just drinking on Friday and no other time. It’s paying off. I’m also trying to get out more and be at least more active at home. My thighs are the big culprit now and I’m working on them every day. Woop!

Also, as I’ve said I found ym flash drive and did some work yesterday on merging the two story ideas into the one that I will be writing on for NaNoWriMo, which actually hasn’t really been that hard because they both take place at two separate times, so the progression is easy to blend. It’s going well.

I’ve also bought and downloaded Fallout New Vegas, finally. There’s supposed to be a new Fallout coming sometime in the not so distant future and I’ve played New Vegas on a Playstation but I effing hate the controls so I wanted to play it on the pC before the new one came out. I haven’t yet because I was too busy writing last night, but that’s the plan for tonight hopefully.

I’m getting really frustrated on the flight school front. I’m thinking I’m going to stay home for the week I have off for Halloween and use that to get my shit in order to actually start training. I haven’t told anyone in the Northern Parts except my dad that I was going North, but my car isn’t in good shape right now so I have a legit reason not to go. I think I’m going to use it.

It makes me feel like a bad person, but oh well, I have things I want to do and now’s as good a time as any. I get paid before my week off starts, so it’s better than good. I’ll be able to get everything squared away hopefully.

Aaaand, that’s it for now. I’m going to sit here and think about dating troubles for a while.