Dramatic change in the story

Generally, what I like to do if I have the day off the next day is have a beer or two and do a little inspirational writing. I had Monday off, so this was my intention for the last afternoon. I’ve taken a new stance on how I’m approaching my writing that is working really, really, really well. I have the outline almost finished and I’ll be working on individual scenes tonight and tomorrow.

Problem is…..the story has taken a turn of plot that I was not expecting. So much so that I’ve had to reconsider the map and the orientation of the entire world, and I also have to make room for a completely new species that wasn’t even thought of until Monday, but suddenly has a really huge part to play. Everything is switched around and much more fantastical that I originally wanted it to be, but I really like it. I really like the way it’s going now! It feels like the right direction to take, though I’m not really sure about the beginning. May have to revisit that, but everything else is going spectacularly.

I had to smack myself on the forehead though.
I have to re-draw the map now. I have to re-draw it completely. The old one just doesn’t work any more. It’s no good.

*sigh*

And I’ve had an entire conversation with myself on Twitter about it. Great.

ANYWAY!

How are you?

I’m great.

I spent way too much money over the weekend. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It was mostly stuff I needed, like food. But I also spent something like fifty dollars on books. Dune Messiah by Frank Herbert because Dune was amazing, Magician: Master and Silverthorn by Raymond E Feist, since I’m currrently reading the first book of that series: Magician: Apprentice, Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson, and a planner for my writing process.

Once again, there isn’t enough space on my bookshelf for all the books I have now.

All in all things are coming along well though.

I have, recently, been getting frustrated with my lack of a dating life. I keep kicking myself about it because I feel like it’s not something I should really be worried about right now. I don’t feel like it’s something I should really be focusing on, but I’m still getting frustrated with myself. I get these really stupid instances where I think I should be out doing things in public just so I can be around people. But it…I dunno…it seems like such a waste of time when I have so many other things I want to be focusing on.

Worse, it’s forced me to evaluate how I actually feel about the prospect of dating again. Is it really that I don’t care or am I afraid of it?

I think I’m afraid of it. Or…if not afraid of it, certainly wary of it.
Love is not the same thing for me now as it used to be before things started to go downhill with Scott. Dating and all that have a different meaning now and even though I miss that kind of companionship, I’m not head over heels for it any more. I’m not desperate for it any more.
I loved Scott. I was in love with Scott. He meant everything to me and for a while we shaped our entire lives around eachother and the fact that we loved each other so, so much. It was very real and very strong.

Knowing that something as powerful as that can end…well…It left me with a little bit different view. People who love you can stop loving you and it hurts when they do and I don’t think I’m ready to go into a new relationship knowing that. Granted, nothing has really happened that would force a stress on that view. I haven’t fallen for anyone enough to have that view overridden, so I can’t really say. But right now, I’m just not into taking that risk.

It scares the hell out of me. I don’t deny it.

But that’s really all. Everything else is going just great!