Once Upon A Time…

I told this story over the weekend and thought I’d share it here.  I skimmed through past entries and didn’t see it written anywhere, so I’ll tell it now.

All the women in my family are extremely non-ladylike.  They burp, fart, scratch, and cuss like all the men do.  They also talk about the most obscene things (well, what I would consider obscene when coming from a family member anyway), especially when I’m around and alone with them.

A few years ago at Thanksgiving, I was sitting in the living room playing a rousing game of Zelda on my mom’s nintendo with my two sisters and mom watching the other tv.  Suddenly, Les (the youngest) gets into a conversation with my mom about how whenever she shaves her bush, she has all these little hairs in the bottom of her tub and it looks like she drowned a hamster.  She begins to describe how difficult some of the positions are for her to get into and then ACTS THEM OUT!  Jen (the middle child) then tells us she has the same problem, but with her husband instead.  It seems he is scared to shave his balls so she does it for him.  Les says how she does the same thing for her man and they compare notes and techniques on how to pull the balls apart to make the skin flat so they can shave it.  Mom then tells them that she has NEVER shaved her region and neither has our dad.  In fact, he is still uncut.  This directs the conversation to how Jen’s husband IS cut and how she likes it that way because all that extra skin looks gross.  Les, on the other hand, likes how her man’s foreskin flops around when he gets out of the shower.

At this point, I have to interject, because I can’t take listening to my sisters and my mother talking this way.  I tell them to think of an uncut dick as the wrapping on a twinkie…it keeps it fresh and moist.  And I HAVE to shave not only my balls but pretty much every where because I hate the way Joe starts hacking when he gets hair caught in this throat.

They soon left the room.