truth be told

 i have never felt so alone. i’m in a state and a city where the only people i kno are the people i use to work with. the other problem is my city is a College town which means most of the people here are under the age of 24. most of them just want to party or drink and stuff. and the ones who dont are bookworms and have no life outside of studying. so that leaves me alone in my apartment most days. 

anyone who knows anything about people know that being alone isnt a good thing. your left with your mind, thoughts, and imagination. for most people this leads to depression and suicidal thoughts. because you think on your past (mostly the bad). and you think on the present (mostly what you dont have, what you havnt accomplished, and such). or you think of the future ( how dim it looks). granted there are moments of smiles and laughter. its not 24 hours of constant sadness. but it still pretty rough. 

no one texts me, calls me, or talks to me unless the they want/need something. i dont mean absolutely no one, but its less than 3 people. and its not frequent. but i cant blame anyone for not talking to me and stuff. i shut myself off a long time ago and i find it hard to let people in or close now. i use to be so open and stuff, but hurt caused me to close myself off to people. i mean i’m still a good listener and people say i give good advice (which is partially why i’m a psych major). 

but in the end i feel alone. i am alone. and its my fault. only i can fix it. but i dont think i can do that here. this town just isnt for me. mayb wen i move to my next port. i hav a few ideas on where to go. we’ll c wat happens.