Inside (love)

lets see, i been on here a lot lately and have been reading a number of interesting post. i’ve been ispired, one would say to write more often and more freely.

lets begin with problems…
     well, love is an issue for me right now. it seems as though everyday i’m losing more and more people i feel "close to. keeping in mind i get but so close to eceryone. i mean there are a few poeple who i feel know a lot and have been there for me often. these people have now become like everyone else. i’m of no significance to them anymore. they have boyfriends, girlfriends, or just have no time for me anymore. i’m glad i dont open up or get close to people, because if i did shit (excuse me) like this would really bother me. i’ve been blessed to rely on myself and prayer and God. because just when i begin to think that someone might be different they go and prove me wrong. that goes for love too. i mean just when i begin to think e female is interested inme and i begin to try and persue her, i get shut down. i look at is as a vlessing, Gods way of keeping me out of relationships that i dont need to be in. but this "looking at the bright side of everything" crap can only last for so long. every once in a while, i fond myself, going back to those same dumb qwestins… wats wrong with me? will i ever find love? can anyone love me? "
     it like i say, everony in the world is looking for love. its the foundation upon which all life is based on. love from family, then friends, then, partner, then children and the cycle just continues. or so its supose to, but "people" have f^*ked that up. because their selfish, self-centered, self-serving, and all about #1 (who is themselves). if it doent serve or benefit me in the end then why should i have any part in it. i mean, how hard is it for you to be considerate enough to say you know what, your a human being just like me, you want someone to be there for you and care about you, and stuff just like i do; and since you do it for me i’ll do it for you. but if it doesnt seem to concern or effect them, then people just brush it and you off like a piece of lint on a jacket.
     i mean, there are a few people who are still in my life, but they aren’t people that i’m close wit it, or even talk to like that and stuff. so, i dunno if love is for me, but no matter if it is or isn’t i cant let it ruin my life. i have to live my life and learn to love myself. because like i tell other people "no one else will be able to love you, until yu learn to love yourself". so thats what i’m working on this year. being away from family and friends gives me a chance to focus on me finally.