Kick me

I still feel like absolute crap.  I’d go into detail, but I hate writing depressing entries, and I don’t want to sound like I just want people to feel sorry for me.  So complicated.

I talked to the (un)dynamic duo (my store manager and creepy corprate guy) about why don’t they just make me the manager of the frame shop.  My official store manager told me she doesn’t have a problem with it at all… in other words, it’s creepy corprate guy who’s messing up my universe.  I asked him to tell me why.  He gave me some very un-specific examples.  Like I need to watch my tone when talking to people.  I’m sure he brought up that part because most every time I talk to him I can’t help but use my "you’re a complete F’in moron" tone.  ~L~ I can’t feel too bad for that one.  Store management has this other bad habit, where they’ll give you vauge details about something that happened weeks ago, then tell you not to do that again.  For example: "Was there a situation a few weeks ago that you maybe should have handled differently."  Eh? 

This probably isn’t a good analogy to use when refering to myself, but it’s like when you’re training a dog.  When the dog gets into the trash, you don’t punish the dog three days later.  I have no idea what happened two or three weeks ago.  I barely remember what happened two or three DAYS ago.  Like seriously, if I’m being a jerk or something, just tell me.  I’m not going to get mad, and I’m sure it’s something I don’t even realize that I’m doing, so TELL me right now!  Don’t wait a few weeks! 

Anyway, creepy corprate guy basically said that all though he was very impressed with how far I’ve come (even though it’s not so much how far I’ve come, just that they actually notice now what I’ve been doing all along.) He doesn’t yet feel confident enough to officially make me the manager.  Fine, whatever.  When are you leaving again? (Did I all ready mention how creepy corprate guy was only supposed to be around for 6 months? He’s been co-managing the store, then I guess they’re going to open another one somewhere else and make him the manager there – I feel sorry for the people that are going to work there! Anyway, 6 months was the beginning of April! He’s definately over stayed his welcome!)  Though in the same breath they’re telling me how (as an example) the frame shop at this time last year was making around $30,000; and we’re now doing $50,000.  Last year, there were FOUR full time, experianced framers, and now, I’m full time, I have 2 really experianced people, one working about 34 hours a week, the other 26 hours. And one moderately experianced person working about 30 hours.  And no one is successfully running the floor.  They admit I’m kicking major ass with limited resources, but still tell me  I’m not quite capable… Funny how that works.

Then they both told me again how they never intended the ad to be for a frame shop manager.  They only wanted someone to replace Mark.  I also made sure that it was stated several times that it would be made very clear to who every they hire that they are not in charge, that it is a co-management deal.  They assured me that’s their intention, and that the last thing they want to do is lose me. 

Mostly, it was very positive.  Yet I still feel pretty horrible about it.  That same day, two older guys came in on seperate occasions asking about the job.  You could just tell they were thinking, "So, you need a manager, I’m good at bossing people around!" I shouldn’t worry about it, I don’t think they’ll want the job so much when they find out the majority of it is doing the ordering for the floor and putting out stock/merchandising.  They seemed more like the type to delagate, not DO.  Actually, the (un)dynamic duo told me they’d include me in the interviews, so I should get a few really good questions lined up. 

Oh, and maybe, even despite every thing they said, I still feel bad about the whole thing because of the actual ad that’s in the paper… Yes, this is copy/paste out of paper: General Immediate Opening Full-Time Frame Shop Manager. Framing experience not necessary. Retail experience and leadership skills needed. Competitive wages. Apply within.

A. How stupid does it make our company sound to be running an ad for a frame shop manager, FRAMING EXPERIANCE NOT NECESSARY?  The people from corprate put this ad in the paper for god sakes!  So sad…

B. The phrase "Competitive wages" used in conjunction with our store is an oxymoron.  Have I ever told you the very sad and pathetic story of how I was still getting paid minimum wage after working there for two years?  (I know, it’s very pathetic on both sides of the equation.)  So yeah, competitive wage?  Not so much.

Anyway.  I also still feel like a complete jerk, so I can’t accept anything positive that anyone has to say about me.  I wish I were as good at dieting as I am at beating myself up over things.  I can’t stick to a diet for more than a few days, but I can beat myself up for weeks… Ugh.  Ok, sorry, not writing anything else depressing.  Stopping now.