I may do something stupid

*There are a couple more entries about my weekend back < there.

Let’s see, work still stinks a bit, and this morning I was so damn tired, and the day was just dragging on forever… and I thought I had more to say about the day in general, but it’s not really important right now.

I talked to Kyle tonight.  He actually called me.  I didn’t think he would, I thought he’d just wait around for me to call him.  Anyway, I called him back, and we talked for a while.  He told me how there’s this woman he’s seeing, and he’s been seeing her for a year, and how he originally told her all the same things about how he’s a "player" and don’t get attatched, but since they’ve been "dating" for so long now, he’s thinking she doesn’t think he’s fooling around any more.  And rather than tell her again how things are, it seems that he’s ok with letting her think that.  I’d say it’s mostly because of her kids, he’s rather attatched to them and wouldn’t want her shutting him out of their life.  So basically, if anything happened between him and me, it would be on the down low.

I don’t think I’m ok with that.  I mean it’s not like I’m planning on hanging out with him a whole lot or anything, but damn it, I don’t want to sneak around, I don’t want to worry about getting caught, and I definately don’t want to end up with some woman yelling at me about how I ruined some great relationship she had with this guy.  I’ve actually been through that whole mess before when I was 18, and I swore I’d never get my self involved with anything like that again.  So why am I still considering it?  Well, he’s been very up front with me about everything, I know I’m not going to get attached to him, and I’m thinking that if he’s as talented with other body parts as he is with his fingers… Damn it to hell.  I really shouldn’t be debating this with myself. 

The thing is, if the other women really knew what was going on, I wouldn’t have a problem with it at all.  That in it self is a little messed up.  Hell, if I really want meaningless sex, I can find a dozen other unattatched, less complicated guys with which to have it.  I guess the real appeal here is that I feel like I know Kyle, and the things he’s done and said make me trust him and feel comfortable with him.  Damn it.  Why the hell don’t I know any one else that I can have meaningless sex with?  *curses*  Yeah, just tell me I’m stupid and that I should just buy some new batteries for my vibrator and hold out for some one better.