No Dice

*There are about 5 entries back <- that <- a <- way covering all my slacking off!*

Work today was just as craptacular as yesterday.  Actually, maybe worse, the customers just came in one after the other, so there wasn’t time to get a lot done.  Luckily, Cate was able to come in an hour early, my hero!  There are other people in the store that will help with taking orders, but no one else does the actual work!  So I’m getting all nervous about meeting Kyle tonight, and stressed by all the customers, and I didn’t bring a lunch, and then I went shopping durring my lunch break instead of finding food!  By the end of the day, I felt like I was about to have a panic attack! (And I haven’t had one of those in ages!) Oh, and did I mention I started getting a cold sore? Always a lovely thing to take on a date!! *curses*

Cate saved me though, she shoved a banana in my hand and made me take a break!  Aparently, bananas are good if you’re freaking out because they have beta blockers in them or some such thing to help calm you down!  I was really thinking about canceling my date, I mean it’s a bit messed up that I wasn’t excited/happy/giddy at all about meeting him.  (Duh, so much for listening to that little voice in my head!) 

Anyway, I went home and got all dolled up for my date.  (Not really dolled up, the shirt was low cut, but I wore my cargo pants and a sweatter!)  Mom drove me down there so I didn’t have to worry about drinking too much.  First, he looks a little older than 35… or maybe he looks 35, I don’t know, he looked kinda old anyway… I’m a bad judge of things like that!!  And he’s not actually the kind of guy I’d take a second look at, because he’s blond & Blue eyed, and I dig brunettes with brown eyes!  Oh, and he doesn’t smile.  He told me before it’s this weird thing from when he was younger, that he basically trained himself not to smile because of this weird tooth he has.  So it was a little awkward that I’m walking over to the table and he’s not smiling at me, and I’m like great, I can tell you’re impressed… but maybe he was and I really couldn’t tell?  Who knows… who really cares?

So we order a bottle of wine, and we chat, and he stares at my cleavage (which I don’t care about, I mean that’s why I wore the low cut shirt!) I found it quite amusing anyway!  At one point, he went to say something, and instead of saying what ever C word it was he was going to say, he said "cock" instead.  ~L~ It was pretty damn funny.  But then, some like ex husband of his ex girlfriend or ex ex something or other came in, and he felt all awkward.  We finished drinking the wine though, and we had a conversation about relationships, in which I told him I’ve never dated more than one guy at a time, and he basically told me that he’s a "player". ie: Has no intentions of settling down with anyone, do not get attatched.  It threw me a little to have him come right out and say it, I suspected as much though.  Well, maybe not exactly that, I just knew something was off.  I’ve talked to enough guys who are totally into me to know when one isn’t. 

After we "escaped" from the ex husband of his ex girlfriend or ex ex something or other, we went down to the park and went for a little bit of a walk.  There was a little groping, some hand holding, and a confession by me about the cold sore. (He may be a "player" but I’m not about to purposely spread this damn thing to anyone!)  Though later, he said that he’s had cold sores before, so he’s basically all ready got it, so… I’m like, all right, it’s your call, don’t say I didn’t warn you!  So we messed around in the parking lot a bit, and he managed to break the zipper on his jeans.  ~L~

When he took me home, we were talking a bit about the situation, he was telling me how he’s not the kind of guy you want to get attatched to, and he just likes to be honest about it.  Fine by me, I told him I might stick around long enough to get a plane ride.  (I mean why else do you date a pilot??)  And I told him if we do see each other again, that I may be really touchy-feely, and I may seem like I’m attatched, but I know the score, and I just like the contact damn it!  Then he asked me why I wasn’t seeing someone, so I told him, how I thought I was going to marry Jake, then he left, then I tried my luck with Matt, and he doesn’t love me, so he can’t date me (Kyle had the same response as Bill did!)  So here I was trying to find something. 

I’m thinking I might still hang out with Kyle on occasion, if I get bored. He doesn’t seem like a jerk, so I think he’ll be ok with the occasional freindly hang out thing. In other words, I don’t think he’ll refuse to hang out with me when I tell him there’s no way I’m having sex with him.  (Though there may be some making out and what not… ~L~) 

At first, I was left feeling slightly depressed about the whole thing.  I just get tired of looking, ya know? I want to find my one, and just be with him, and not have to keep looking!  If only it were that easy huh?  But mom said something tonight when she was driving me down there, something really great, "He might not be The One, but you are."