Time Wasting & Obsessing

Yesterday I was so unproductive.  I didn’t have to go to work until 2pm, which gave me pleanty of time to, oh, I don’t know, do a workout tape, go to the gym, put away my laundry, clean my room up some more, anything!  Instead, I screwed around, I can’t even remember if I did anything besides read OD and note my favorites… (Oh, ok, it’s actually your guy’s fault! ~L~) Nah! I’m only kidding!  I still could have read and noted everyone and been able to do my laundry and workout and what ever else.  I just need to stop wasting my time.  Or maybe I’ll make a rule, no OD until I do my morning workout!  That should motivate me! 

Oh, I remember what else I was doing yesterday! Looking at wedding sites!!  It’s all Honor’s fault!  Because now I’m wondering how much I can plan in advance so I don’t have to worry about it later! (Boy, do I sound like I’m desperate to get married or what??)  It’s funny though, because I don’t even think of it like that, I’m really more like, well, I’m going to get married eventually, so what’s the harm in having some things done ahead of time?  Ok, and it’s fun!  And besides that, by the time I do get engaged, I’m sure the guy will be happy that the wedding won’t cost as much since I’ve all ready done so much! ~L~

Anyway, back to complaining about me wasting time!  I really, really need to work on my sleeping habits!  I hate sleeping until the last possible minute, then having to rush around getting ready for work!  I used to be really good about getting up two hours before I had to go to work, then I had pleanty of time to eat and do my hair and look all pretty, and feel relaxed when I went out the door, not all in a hurry and feeling like I’ve forgotten something!  I just need to make better use of my time in general.  I mean even if playing some game on the computer is fun, there are other things I could be doing (like one of the many craft projects I’ve all ready started!) that would be fun and give me a sense of accomplishment!  (This issue is one of those things I’ve been harping on myself about for years!  I figure eventually I’ll get it figured out!)

Today was all right, though if you haven’t figured it out all ready, the rant about rushing in the morning was inspired by today!  Which means no am workout. ~sigh~ Ok, I said before I wouldn’t get down on myself if I didn’t live up to my grand workout schedule, instead, I’m just going to keep trying!  I really do want to do more, even if it is just a little extra, so I suppose as long as I keep thinking about it and wanting to do it, that’s half the battle!

Of course I say that when tonight I was whining about not wanting to go to kickboxing!  I got kinda cranky townards the end of the day.  The only reason I can think of is that I was talking to Cate at work about Matt, and she pointed out that I’m obsessing, which I am, and it annoys me that I can’t let it go.  I mean the whole point of giving him the damn valentine was to get it all out in the open and to finally know, and MOVE ON!  ~sigh~  Had I thought this through more, I really would have included in the disclaimer that he could just e-mail me with "I’m flattered, but not interested" because that I could have accepted, that I would have been fine with.  It’s this idea of him thinking he should all ready LOVE me that’s making me crazy.  I guess it feels like I wasn’t even given a chance, like oh, I don’t need to actually get to know you or anything, I’ve all ready made up my mind!  And that makes me crazy! The other night when it was slow at work I wrote out about two pages worth of letter to him about this.  Let me make this clear! I AM NOT GOING TO SEND IT TO HIM!  I was just trying to get it out of my head without whining about it even more to you guys!  That obviously didn’t work. ~sigh~  All right, so I may have to come up with the nicest, least threatening, un-bitchiest, not-implying-that-I’m-desperate-and-just-want-a-chance, way to tell him: For future referance, the whole "mutual feeling of love" thing is more likely to take place when you take the time to get to know someone.  If I wasn’t worried about being bitchy, I’d just send him that sentance, it really says it all!  Ok, I’m done with that. (For now anyway!)

So yeah, anyway, I came home feeling cranky, and wishing it weren’t dark and cold, because I would have loved to have gone for a walk in the park!  Mom asked if I still wanted to work out, and I said yes, she said good, because she was really in the mood to punch something! (That’s my mom for ya! ~L~) But I was like, oh, I was thinking maybe we could just go to the gym.  She said ok, so we were getting ready, and I asked her if she really wanted to go to kickboxing, and she said she really did, so we went.  Besides, I’d been working on talking myself into going, so I was glad that she really wanted to go!  I ended up being very glad that we went!  We got such and awesome workout! 

Oh, and I know I just said that I was done with my whining about the whole Matt thing, but Addy asked me tonight if I’d heard anything from him.  I said yes, and it wasn’t good.  She was a little thrown off by that, and asked me what he said.  I told her that apparently, since he doesn’t love me all ready, he can’t go on a date with me.  (Typing that now all most makes me feel like I’m over simplifying it, or making it sound worse that it is.)  She said, so it’s love at first sight or nothing? He’s going to be waiting a long time with that attitude!  I was going to tell her the whole story, or well, most of it anyway, but I never got a chance to.  As it was, we were having this discussion while she was holding for me and I’m doing punches and elbows and knees!  Maybe I’ll whine to her more about it later, since she hasn’t gotten a chance to be as annoyed by it as you guys!  Actually, I really do want to tell her I’m all right, and I don’t hate him, because I don’t want her saying anything to him about me telling her and whining about it!  Now I feel like I’m spreading gossip or something… ugh!  *Oh la la la la la, let it go!!* (I’m even annoying myself at this point.)

Anyway!  I need to go to bed now, because I have a really good motivation for getting up early and working out, my mom scheduled a massage for me!  Woooo!  It’s just one of the student massages, but still, it’ll be awesome!  And it will be even better if I get up, workout, have breakfast, and take a nice how shower before I go!  So with that, I’m off!