Don’t hold me back!

A few days ago, my mom went on this date with this guy who well, wasn’t really right for her.  I only say this becuase I know my mom well enough to know that she wan’t all that into him when she came back from her date.  Anyway, this guy was over weight and has some health issues, and had the nerve to write her today and tell her he doesn’t want to date her because he’s so intent on losing weight, and he thinks that she would hold him back.  I’ve never wanted to strangle someone so much in my entire life…  Though really, it’s absolutely laughable, that guy would never, I mean NEVER be able to keep up with my mom.  I mean he came over to our house, I was standing there talking to him, and he’s breathing heavy, our walkway is perfectly flat and all of 15 feet long… I guess if they worked out together at a gym it would be all right, but if they went for an actual walk, she’d either leave him in the dust, of have to go so slow that she wouldn’t get a workout at all!  Honestly, yeah, she and I are both over weight, and you’d never know it by looking at us, but we’re both actually in pretty good shape. 

So later that night, I was talking to my mom, and I told her that having that guy say that to her makes me wonder if that’s not the same reason that Matt hasn’t asked me out. (Matt would be the guy in my kickboxing class who’ve I’ve had a crush on for about 2 years, and who I’m sure likes me, but has yet to ask me out.) She says, well, it could be.  I told her she could have lied to me, becuase hearing that really depresses me.  I guess it makes sense though, more than any other excuse I could think up for him.  Well, ok, I’ve got some other excuses for him that are better, and far less hurtful to me… but I really can understand how someone would feel that way, I mean when people get together, they do have a tendancy to get comfortable with each other and not care about things like losing weight. 

I suppose that if I were to be absolutely honest, I completely understand how that is a really good reason.  I would even say it’s my reason for not feeling like I’m ready to settle down, becuase I don’t want to get comfortable.  Not like this anyway!  I’d so much rather lose some weight first and feel more comfortable with myself.  Well, and since I’m so strangely and unexplainably (and slightly obsessed) with Matt, of course I want there to besome really great reason why we’re not together by now. 

As a side note, I must say that it’s really not my style to get so enammored with a guy in this way.  In all honesty, I don’t know him all that well, but for some reason, I just have this feeling like he’s the one.  And yeah, I know how completely insane that sounds, but it’s really not like me to feel that way about a guy.  So it’s probably equally insane to make one of my new year’s resolutions to find out how he feels about me once and for all.  I figure I’m going to make some commitments to getting in better shape, and if after a set amount of time, he doesn’t ask me out, I’m going to ask him out.  Then even if he blows me off and isn’t interested at all, at least I’ll know and I can stop being so obsessed with him.

Still, it makes me a bit sad to think that maybe he hasn’t asked me out because he thinks I’ll drag him down, that we’ll both get too comfortable and not follow through with our own goals.  Which just means I’m going to have to make some serious progress on my own.  I’ve recently started feeling like I’m spending way too much of my time trying to find some guy or whatever… and really, I just need to focus on myself.  Really, why am I wasting so much of my energy on all these other things and losing my focus?  I need to pay more attention to me. 

Ok, I need to stop writing now, these people I’m house sitting for have a box of wine in their fridge.  I’ve never had box wine before, but it’s pretty good, and I’m a little buzzed, and I don’t think I should ever buy a box of wine.  I mean at least when I open a bottle, that’s all I drink, but a whole BOX full?  Yikes… ~L~ So yeah, happy new year.