I’m not having fun

I think maybe this is a sign to bow out peacefully. I don’t have to teach next year at this school. I don’t ever have to DO anything besides try to be a good mother, wife, friend and family member.

I don’t always feel like a good mother. I do my best and some days are harder than other days. Days I’m with him 24-7 because Dustin is at work. This quarantine time when I don’t have my job to give me space and social interaction.

…and that’s ok since we know I dislike said job. I think maybe I won’t go back. And then I can move to Oregon the next year. I’ll save on childcare, Dustin will have to work overtime and I will figure out some life things.

This pandemic came at a time – a turning point maybe. I could visit home a lot while Dustin works. If…like…the world opens up again. I’m a massive rule follower, but I’m having a hard time not hopping on a plane and going home to self quarantine in my childhood home with my baby.

I literally don’t care about anything besides the aforementioned people above. This is a good time to make a significant change. Maybe.

That’s all.

I’m also scared of going back to teaching with this virus and I know getting it won’t kill me probably, but who knows. And I don’t want to sit around with a bunch of asymptotic teens who kill all the older teachers.

I don’t like anything about how helpless I feel.