a first without you

dear spydr…

i know it’s been a bit since i wrote. i have to admit that i have been having a tougher time than usual trying to handle all the things that are piled on me right now. between mom, the rift with my brother, this covid thing, and never getting to see or hug anyone anyway, plus the duties of any person with an apartment, handling the animals (when i had to give mine up, of course. yes, i had to leave KJ in florida. from what i understand, sammi and jen rehomed him when wenda moved.)…i’ve been overwhelmed, and it’s caught up to me.

i got out of the house today to do some grocery shopping. better than nothing, i guess.

tomorrow is april 20th. i know what most people will be celebrating (as will i), but i will also be thinking of you. we went to see Kinky Boots on april 20th, 2017. our First Official Date. oh, we were so funny about that sort of thing, weren’t we? none of those titles appealed until that particular outing. it didn’t seem like such a waste of time back then, did it sweetheart? it felt like we’d done something really right together, and i will always cherish that.

i remember when you picked me up at kathy’s house. avery was littlelittle then; she’s such a big girl now! first grade, playing the piano…she’s grown leaps and bounds. she was enamoured of you. hah! i had to tell her “no, boober, sorry, no Spydr tonight…” for WEEKS. she loved the picture we took at cheesecake factory. i wish i still had that one. see, you told me i should have backed up my phone…and i didn’t listen. ahh well. some memories are okay between just us, right?

you took me to Dada for a martini after, because i’d said “let’s go find a park, and go on the swings…it’s such a gorgeous night…” and we had a cocktail, and chatted, and walked over to the rope swing. you sat, and pulled me close, and kissed me under that gorgeous tree, with the moon bright, and a breeze blowing. sigh. great night, spydr. you sure know how to take a lady on a date. <3

i just wanted to put this here, before the clock strikes midnight. it’s a bittersweet memory now, the first time i’ll “celebrate” this special (to me) day without you. no one to leave me flowers on the windshield at work this year. (yes, i knew that was you. no one else knew about my love of alstromeria.) i miss your thoughtful little gestures.

i’m calling this one an early night. i’m trying hard to dig myself out of this dark hole i seem to have climbed into. getting out in the sunshine, even for a few minutes, really helped today. i might do that again tomorrow.

i love you, spydr. and i miss you, so damn much.

lolak

…your sugarz