Bittersweet Memories

Tomorrow my mom, my husband, my sister, my brother-in-law and I were all going to Nettie’s granddaughter’s to see her together, as a family,  She had been given two weeks to live.  We were ready to say good bye.  We never made it.  So instead I spent tonight with my mom, my childhood bestfriend, her girlfriend and sister, and our memories.  I am so sad, and so angry.  I didn’t get to say goodbye.  I didn’t call her, she was in and out of the hospital these last weeks and she had just gotten out.  I have been so busy, and I hate myself for it.  I am really angry that she new we were coming and she didn’t wait.  I know, it is selfish and makes no sense but I am so upset.  I spent the evening trying to hold it together for all of my loved ones.  

I don’t even know what to type…I just want to sleep, I can’t