I Need a Drink

The times when you see something you didn’t wish to and make you wish you don’t work tomorrow so you can down a few shots of tequila and slumber into sleep.  Because I’ve already learned it won’t make you forget.  It frustrates me to hell why it still would bother me.  Is this really more about me?  Reminds me of what I’m missing?  It doesn’t bother me nearly as much with anyone else, though I admit it does ever so slightly.  Now this thought is going to linger about like an unwanted houseguest.  And answered or not, it doesn’t matter.  Because I know my answer, and I really dislike it and what it says about myself.  Whatever paintstrokes I’ve applied to myself since I opened this account, deep inside, I’m still the same.  And happiness will elude me until that changes.   When I figure out how, that will be step one.

I’m like a soldier in a fallout shelter.  Waiting for the assault to end because I can’t take the demons on by myself.