09/12/2013

Today was an endurance test.

I was upset I came close, but didn’t pass.

This was inventory day.  Everything in the store counted.  Last time six months ago.I worked 15 hours.  Today was 16.

Still couldn’t do everything I’m *supposed* to do.  Wasn’t happy about it.  I’m stubborn.  I tried to avoid assistance.  Prove myself of sorts.  I’m a little crazy like that.

Became very unpleasant and began snapping at people by hour 13.

Didn’t stick with the plan for constant food and drink.  Ate a pack of zebra cakes and a half bowl of cereal the entire stretch.

Didn’t fall asleep as soon as I got home, so my endurance has improved.  Last time I was out within an hour of arriving home.

I’m not full of words at the moment.  But I wished to post something.  Right now, I feel……………empty.  Like I want to go away from here.  Try to outrun this feeling.  Where do I want to go?  I don’t really know.  I don’t think it really matters.  It isn’t where you go; it’s whom you go with.  I hate this feeling; it’s in this mindset that my fears start to seep in and drain the energy out of me.  I’m not full of energy anyway, but it’s a different kind of energy sapped.  Mental energy.  I do hope that my turnaround will come about soon.  For the first time in a long while, I can look towards the future and see things maybe……..changing.  For the better.  

I hope it’s true.